Tonight’s episode of Desperate Housewives was so cringy, so full of outlandish lies, so downright unbelievable that I think I can safely get 100% on board with this season. Marc Cherry and the rest of the Housewives crew owe Dana Delaney a debt of gratitude, because she’s doing her darndest to drag this show straight back to up its first season heights. We’ve got sex scandals, pot brownies, truly mysterious mysteries, and friendships that really test the limits of the word. God, I love the suburbs. (You know, as long as I don’t have to actually live in them.) Thanks much to Lisa for filling in for me last week! (There are spoilers ahead, no lie…)
Lynette: Lynette’s mom just might be the Best Ever. Though there were many great lines tonight, I think "Let Mama score you some kick-ass chronic" has to go down as the best. Although I have to say, I was pretty disappointed when Andrew Van de Kamp’s long-awaited (by me, at least — he’s awesome!) return to the show didn’t really amount to anything. However, I will forgive this tragic underuse of a great character because Lynette’s stoned charades were incredible. The highlight being pointing to Edie in the process of acting out "Hang ’em High." Awesome.
Susan: Oh, Susan. Of course you’d host the game night dreaded by all the neighbors. Of course. Is anyone else getting kind of nervous waiting for the other shoe to drop with this whole pregnancy thing? I mean, Susan said it herself: now that Mike’s building the baby a crib, this thing is totally jinxed. Not to mention, I’m hearing a little too much "our child" this and "our child" that for this to actually be their child. Has it not even occurred to them that it could be Ian’s, or am I just bad at math?
Bree: I find it pretty hard to believe that Bree, the most detail-oriented person in the Universe, didn’t come up with a plausible OB/GYN, just in case anyone asked. I mean, even "I’m doing a home birth, without medical professionals" would have been more believable than the skid row place she accidentally sent Susan to, and would make the whole baby-switching process a lot easier when this thing finally plays out during sweeps. However, the sketchy place was pretty hilarious, so I’ll give everyone involved a pass.
Gabby: Against my better judgment, I’m really enjoying this plotline. Possibly because it finally has Gabby wanting something she can’t get. Between Gabby and Edie pushing Carlos as hard as they can, though, it’s a wonder he hasn’t snapped yet. I mean, beyond breaking a glass at a party while watching Gabby flirt with another man (he does know she goes home to her husband at night, right?). So wow, Gabby thinks Victor is cold and calculating compared to Carlos when he tries to figure out how to spin the whole underage gardener thing rather than get upset over it, but Victor is totally comfortable telling Carlos that he’d disappear anyone who messed with Gabby? She’s probably be pretty into that. Oh, and I LOVED the accountant twist at the end, though I wouldn’t be too broken up about it if Carlos had Edie killed after all. Still, I love it when this show can surprise me!
Central Mystery: Okay, what have we learned?
- Adam has trouble staying away from women (or at the very least, has wandering eyes), which may have somehow led to the family’s hasty exit from Chicago.
- Whatever happened with Katherine’s first husband, it was bad enough that letting people think he molested Dylan is preferable to their knowing the truth. Wow. Also, conversations like that one make for a reeeally uncomfortable game night.
- There’s a mysterious chunk missing from the floor in the Mystery Room, which makes Katherine cry when she looks at it. Wait, did Dylan kill her father with a hatchet or something? Lizzie Borden-style?
- Julie is a total troublemaker for someone who’s such a good girl, and apparently travels with her own set of lock picks. Perhaps Katherine is right to bar Dylan from hanging out with her.
Next week: The gay couple finally arrives on Wisteria Lane!
How are you feeling about the season so far? Are you ready to reach into the TV and kill Edie yourself?