And so, dear friends, we are gathered here today on Side Order of Life to celebrate the union of this woman, Jenny, to this mysterious voice on a cell phone — but not before secrets are revealed, identities are confused, heroes are unmasked, sweet monkey love is made and then regretted, a Vegas wedding is narrowly averted, and psychiatrists are revealed to be eeeeeevil. Can I borrow someone’s hankie? I always cry at two-hour season finales.
Do you promise to honor, love and obey for as long as you both shall live? I spoil.
Jenny is starting to get suspicious about Cell Fauxne Man. She plays Don’t Forget the Lyrics/The Singing Bee with one of his first lyrical quotations — "Freedom’s just another word for what was that again?" She initially relaxes when Brian gets it right, but please! Everyone knows that song, even if they haven’t thought about it in years. Which, Brian admits, he hadn’t. Dun dun dun!
Jenny confronts Brian, who admits to not being The One. But I only didn’t tell you the truth because you’re so awesome! he says. Jenny doesn’t want to hear it. Bye, Cell Fauxne Man! On her way back from her breakup, her GPS system starts giving unsolicited advice again, her car blows a tire, and Jenny finally, utterly loses it. Who’s there to witness the meltdown? Becca. Becca, though frosty, tries to be a good person and help Jenny change her tire, but Jenny’s in full-blown tizzy mode, so Becca can just stand back and let her go. It ends with Becca and Jenny embracing as Jenny confesses how scared she is for Vivy, how helpless she feels. It’s a great scene, and both Jenny and Becca play it well.
Poor Becca has had her own angst. Ian decided they should do a spur-of-the-moment Vegas wedding, and Becca agreed because… you know what, I’m still not digging the reason they give. Because she loves him so very much that she’d do anything for him! Fortunately their plane gets delayed, Becca gets smashed, and it finally comes out that she hates this idea. She’s dreamed of a real wedding her whole life — and that real wedding does not include midget Elvis officiating. They resolve to have an elaborate church wedding in LA that weekend. This being TV happy land, that works. Do not attempt this in real life.
In Person is doing its annual heroes issue, and they decide to include the splendidly named Dr. Misty Rains in the issue, only to discover she’s been stealing experimental drugs and using herself as a heroic guinea pig to test out a cancer drug that’s been backburnered. This does not make the hospital, the medical board, the FDA or the DEA happy. Misty gets to make her case to In Person before she goes on the lam, and puts together a damning argument against the way clinical trials are run and how cancer treatment is researched and funded. I’m not qualified to comment, but I imagine the clinical trails people would have a slightly different take.
Jenny finally, finally tells Vivy that duh! Rick’s in love with you! Thank you for administering that dope slap for me, Jenny. Vivy and Rick talk — she tells him she’s not in love with Eduardo (although she leaves out the detail about his grotesquely large big toes), and Rick tells her that whatever happens between the two of them, he’ll always be there for her.
Misty gives Vivy her to-do list before she flees the country to continue her research on some sunny beach where there’s red wine and cabana boys (that last bit might be my plan). Number three on the list: "Allow yourself to be loved by someone who loves you more." Rick shows up soon thereafter, doing his best Brando, and Vivy — Vivy jumps him. Huzzah!
Rick is glowing the next morning, but Vivy is freaking the hell out. She resolves to avoid him, which may be difficult, because circumstances have conspired to make Vivy the Maid of Honor and Rick the Best Man at Ian and Becca’s wedding! Oy, those toasts they give at the rehearsal dinner are awkward, and not at all about Ian and Becca.
Jenny sees shrink — finally — and said shrink allows to how yeah, it’s possible Jenny has been temporarily nuts, what with all the upheaval in her life. In fact, the shrink posits, I bet Cell Phone Man himself isn’t real. Do yourself a favor: Have a ritual burial for your cell phone, and get on with your life. Jenny agrees.
That was a mistake, because tada! Cell Phone Man is back! He gets his cop sister to track Jenny down and tries to surprise her at her office, but instead runs into Becca, who is using Jenny’s phone to make some calls about the wedding. He’s heartbroken.
Meanwhile, Jenny’s story of the week involves a blind man who has exceptional hearing and who uses it to restore old recordings, and really that’s not important, because he’s basically there to validate Jenny’s gift and tell her not to give up and blah blah blah. Jenny goes back to the shrink (and am I crazy, or was that Carrie Fisher?), sees her as the wicked witch of the west, and resolves to find her one true Cell Phone Man love.
At the wedding of the year, Vivy calls Jenny in a panic for some sartorial assistance (wig, eyelash and Spanx trauma) — and hands her the once-buried phone. Cell Phone Man is there, and he objects during the vows. He gives a lovely impassioned speech about how they know each other’s souls, and he can’t let her go through with this, and for god’s sake, Jenny! Becca, who needs a shrink of her own by now, bemoans the fact that it’s always, always about Jenny! Jenny and Cell Phone Man finally meet and start pitching woo — in the aisle of the church, during Ian and Becca’s wedding. I’m really starting to sympathize with Becca. Jenny is her nemesis.
But we’re not supposed to care about Becca, or Ian, who is casting some suspiciously regretful glances at Jenny — maybe it’s a good thing the two of them will be moving to Seattle because Becca ended up taking that job she at first turned down when Ian proposed. We’re not even supposed to focus on Rick and Vivy making goo-goo eyes at each other, although woo-hoo to that! No, we’re supposed to follow Jenny and Cell Pho — ok, you know what? His name is James, he’s played by Steven Weber, and he’s adorable — Jenny and James outside as they finally really meet and finally, at long last, kiss.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I got a bit teary-eyed and happy at this development. Yeah, yeah, it’s possible I need to up my meds, but it’s also possible that this was a good, touching and fun summer series that I wouldn’t mind seeing return. I could do without all the "universe talking to me" stuff, and I think they were using Dr. Misty Rains, Patron Saint of Cool Shoes and Cancer, as a two-by-four to bludgeon us into submission about how we need to be doing more for cancer patients, but it was good fun.
What did you think? Did the show end the way you wanted it to? Will everyone live happily ever after? Do you buy their argument about cancer treatment trials? And would you be interested in watching another season now that the Cell Phone Man mystery has been solved?