Questionable human rights. Poor living conditions. Constant challenges every day just to keep from finding yourself in front of the council — where, let’s face it, you might never be heard from again. Finally, “Survivor” — airing Thursdays on CBS — has found itself in a country where mere survival is, in fact, winning. So call the neighbors and alert your friends, we’re throwing a Survivor: China party!
Setting the scene:
You could spend at least a thousand dollars decorating your home with pagodas, hanging dragons, paper parasols, fans and lanterns, but you might just want to rent out a local Chinese restaurant for this shindig. Trust us, the dim sum will taste much better. Invitations should be sent in Chinese food half-pint containers with custom fortune cookies inside featuring fortunes that say, “There is a great party in your future” on one side and location details on the other. Plan Survivor: China related challenges with immunity idols being doled out to the winners. And remember to re-create the Great Wall using cardboard building blocks. Room colors should be red and gold, and don’t forget to hang a calendar with beautiful Chinese girls on it just like every restaurant in town. Have tiki torches lit for each guest and extinguish them as they leave.
Gone are the days when all members of the republic wore gray pajamas to work. But since stereotypes die hard — gray pajamas for everybody! OK, we apologize. Women might prefer lovely cheongsams while men might like reversible kung fu jackets. Though true survivors tend to go with tank tops or nothing at all.
On the hi-fi:
“Eye of the (Crouching) Tiger” by Survivor; “China Girl” by David Bowie; “Chinatown” soundtrack (www.amazon.com/Chinatown-Original-Motion-Picture-Soundtrack/dp/B0000014XW).
China seems like a great place to visit, assuming Jeff Probst isn’t carrying your luggage. So do yourself a favor and hit the Games of the XXIX Olympiad in Beijing in 2008. Tickets are now available.