The centerpiece of this season of My Fair Brady is whether or not Adrienne and Chris should have a baby. And whether — or really, when — she should move up a bra size, thanks to plastic surgery. And if memory serves, when they got married, she was gung-ho on kids, while he balked. Now, post-wedding and settling into their first year of marriage — and apparently after he’s told her she’ll make a bad mother and they’ve agreed to postpone the family for a few years, he’s having second thoughts. Quel suprise.
A couple of weeks ago, Adrienne’s dad and his fiancee came to visit, and while she and Pops spent a day bonding on the shooting range, Chris and Nicole had a heart-to-heart about whether or not he and Adrienne would make good parents. I mean, of course people are curious about when newlyweds will start a family, and of course they ask about it, even when it’s absolutely none of their business. Yet in her wacky way, Adrienne seems to grasp the concept that she has other priorities at the moment, and the number of things the two of them hae to work out before considering kids is large. So she’s willing to postpone — and certainly freaked out about her own propensity to be a good parent. So while she mulled over the 34Cs, she sat Chris down to discuss baby plans, and make sure they were on the same page before she went under the knife. He was on board with both the waiting and the surgery.
But I wonder if there has ever been a more easily influenced man in the history of the world. Whenever anyone mentions babies, it acts like the Jedi mind trick on Chris. Suddenly — after one afternoon at the beach with his friend Don and his family, during which he, at age 49, fed a baby a bottle for the first time — Chris is thinking that he has something to offer as a father. Seriously? Hey, Chris — I could use a million bucks, and I’m sure you’d want to give it to me after an afternoon on my best behavior at the beach. Geez. How Adrienne hasn’t been able to manipulate him even more is a testament to either her ineffectiveness, her being a decent enough person not to play him for all he’s worth, or judicious editing that we don’t see it.
Adrienne has noted that Don — a friend of Chris’ from the neighborhood who looks to be of similar age and has two small children — pushes the idea of kids at them like a car salesman. And while Adrienne’s thinking full-steam ahead with her augmentation surgery, Chris is not-so-subtly trying to steer them down Baby Road. He plans a special evening for them to discuss it — but first, his friend Tammy, an estate planner, is coming by the house. It’s hard to tell whether or not — or how much — Adrienne knew about this visit, and she can’t quite figure out why Chris is suddenly all worked up about a will. She’s a little bewildered and a little insulted, but not so much that she doesn’t take a minute to stick it to Chris about how attractive Tammy is.
On to the surprise. Chris takes Adrienne for a special dinner at the Surreal Life house — a walk down memory lane, as it were, and they walk around the place recalling fond memories like Jane Wiedlin’s dungeon and the corner of the living room that Verne Troyer mistook for a urinal. Charming. After dinner, they watch their wedding video — because Chris "wanted to remind Adrienne of our vows and that the reason for getting married is to start a family."
During her dad and Nicole’s visit, Adrienne made clear several times that she’s scared to discuss children because Chris has a lot of issues with anger that she thinks should be resolved before bringing a baby into the picture. Valid points, and again I wonder how it is that she seems to have gotten so much from therapy and he’s so clueless. He gives her a box with "a couple of symbolic gifts" — a C-cup bra and a Tiffany baby rattle. Why he can’t just come out and discuss things is a mystery. But while clumsy, Chris does manage to get this right: he tells her that their conversations about what to do don’t have to be an either/or proposition — they can have kids, she can have her surgery. And most importantly, he wants kids, and thinks she’ll be a great mother. It’s about time, buddy.
Yet Adrienne hesitates, and says she can’t tell him right now that she wants to have kids with him. She doesn’t think he’s ready, and he needs to stop being a rageaholic. And of course Chris makes it all about him. In the limo, she’s not sensitive enough to how he feels. Blah blah blah. Her take: she’s getting the surgery, and he can suck it up. Stick to your guns, Adrienne. And find a good shrink — pronto.
What did you think? Will Chris ever stop changing his mind about kids? Will these two breed? And will surgery make Adrienne feel more maternal?