This week at the start of Scott Baio is 46… and Pregnant, Scott and Renee got one of the weird and somewhat freaky 3D ultrasound renderings of their as yet unborn child. I have seen plenty of these weird computer generated things, and I don’t mind telling you that they all, more than slightly, freak me out. The computer-rendered babies are all an unnatural yellowish color that’s a cross between maple syrup and orange juice. Beyond that though, there’s just something wholly unnatural about the way the children look in the renderings. They all make it seem like the child is the star of a bargain-basement priced Pixar movie. Scott loved every minute of it though (and I’m sure if I’d had one done of my child I would have too).
From there, Scott headed to his fathers-to-be class, which he finds far more scary than the CGI Maggie Simpson he just saw writhing around in Renee’s belly, and he didn’t even know that they were going to discuss child-rearing costs. The fact that the average child costs the parent (before said child even goes to college) somewhere between $184,320 and $268,520 is more than enough to keep one up at night (but still not as scary as thinking that a 3D version of the girl who shot Mr. Burns is in your wife’s abdomen). Scott, naturally, decided that he would be needing more cash.
During his weekly hang-out session with his friends, the group ended up at a mini-golf course practically on the 405 freeway. It was Scott’s way of trying to save some dough for stuff like strollers and bibs and diapers. His friends not-so-patiently explained that Scott would be getting lots of free stuff at the baby shower Renee would be having and that because she was having a party the guys all ought to go to Vegas. Scott wasn’t buying, but when he was told the trip would be free he jumped on board (provided that Renee would allow her man out of the house).
Scott shouldn’t have been worried about Renee’s permission, what ought to have been his highest priority concern was the wedding Renee and her (nominally ‘"their") wedding planner were discussing. Renee wanted "simple but elegant" which, in wedding terms, means the single most expensive wedding anyone could ever imagine. Scott however, rather than discussing the wedding and flower shopping, announced that he was headed to Vegas for the weekend. Still worried about the cash, Scott made it clear that he would only be paying for his room.
The first scene in Vegas — Scott flipping out after realizing that Johnny V. gave everyone drinks from Scott’s mini-bar. Not to worry, Johnny insisted that he had made calls and they would have a great evening, so it was off to a diner for shakes and club sandwiches. I tend to think of that as a pretty decent evening, even in Vegas, but Scott rolls differently than I.
Johnny insisted it would all get better from there though, as it was off to an "exclusive club" for the group (which, like the diner and hotel room just happened to all be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, so I’m betting Scott didn’t pay for those mini-bar drinks). But, it wasn’t yet open for the night when the boys showed, so while the rest of the guys went to gamble, Scott sat at the bar drinking alone. He had a couple of beers and no fewer than six shots (I counted the pyramid he made out of empty glasses). Good friends that he has, they allowed him to trade his $10,000 watch for a $5,000 chip which he placed on his birthday on the roulette wheel.
I gained a little bit of confidence in the "reality" of the show when Scott lost.
He did drop enough though on that single spin of the wheel that the guys were able to get into the club they wanted to go to and even earned a spot in VIP area. After a brief tussle with Johnny at the club, Scott bailed on the party, took off his pants on the middle of the casino floor (to be fair, they were a little clingy), and had a little video chat with his wife before heading into the bathroom to clear his system.
You know what I like about Scott Baio, he’s just like you and me, except for the money and career and house. Plus, when he goes to Vegas, he gets comped but has to pretend for the television cameras like he doesn’t. I wish I could get comped in Vegas. I would have no problem having a television crew paying me to be on camera while getting tons of free stuff.
Sigh, I don’t even get comped at The TV and Film Guy’s Reviews, and I own the place.