We’ve finally come to the finale of Dance War, television’s most confusing talent competition. But, on the bright side, we get to learn the identities of the Season 6 cast of Dancing with the Stars. Let the filler-o-rama-lama-ding-dong begin!
Spoliers and Cast members below!
So…we start off with a recap of the ENTIRE season week by week complete with commentary from Carrie Ann and Bruno. It seems to me that C to the A was thinking more based on chemistry and blending from the beginning while The Big B was picking more based on individuals he liked.
Now for the combined number with both teams and Drew Lachey singing "Stepping Out with My Baby" by Tony Bennett. They make Drew dance. We’re fully back in the lounge of the Lido Deck. Don’t forget to pick up your drink from Issac the Bartender. That said, it wasn’t bad but it was totally Vegas show circa 1960.
Afterwards, we get Team Bruno’s opening number package opening with their reaction to winning last week. They have a day at the pool with some smoothies. Bruno then goes on a spiel about how he now has his vision of his group. They’ll be revisting "These Boots Are Made For Walking," which they have to alter given the fact that they’re missing a member from when they first performed it. Lacey’s vocals were much better than the first time as were the guys’ harmonies – though still a little empty. Bruno was much with the platitudes as usual. Carrie Ann gave general props and a special big up to Kelsey for becoming a singer.
Now is Team Carrie Ann’s recap reliving last week’s elimination of poor Alyssa who’s super broken up. She asks if she can still come to rehearsal. They’re all sad but they pull it together. They’re repeat performance is "Papa Was A Rolling Stone," which isn’t a surprise as it was their first performance that really gave them any buzz. Bradley was much better this time around and everyone delivered solid vocals on the whole.
Next is the first round of announcements of the new Dancing With The Stars line up, brought to us by Kenny Maynes, Jerry Rice, and Lisa Rinna of DanceCenter. And I think Kenny is wearing blue eyeshadow. Marlee Matlin, Penn Jillette, and Marissa Jaret Winokur are the first three named. Penn Jillette fills the "too tall for his partner" quota.
We get to see Team Bruno record their first single called "Falling in Love." I’m thinking I’m not going to be impressed. Phillip says that he comes to life when the lights are on and he’s in full costume. And by full costume he means shirtless. Later on, Bruno plays the finished song for them. Kelsey didn’t recognize her voice initially and was in disbelief. Gee, I wonder why. *coughSTUDIOMAGICcough* I’m not saying she can’t sing, I’m just saying I smell overproduction.
Huh…what do you know. It’s not nearly as bad as I thought. They all perform well, though I think Kelsey pulls it off a little better than Lacey only because it’s not a difficult song to sing – like "These Boots…" or any Diana Ross song. There’s still too much unison singing for my liking but overall it was good. Carrie Ann compliments them on becoming a balanced group/team.
Oooo…more Dancing With The Stars cast members. Adam Corolla? What? Noooooooooo! Kristi Yamaguchi? This is insanity. And last announced…Actor (and Chilean Air Force Pilot) Cristian de la Fuente. Helloooooooo Nurse!
And after a commercial break, we get three more names. Tennis player Monica Seles is named first. Wait, what?!? R&B star Mario? And Guttenberg! Steve effing Guttenberg!! Pure insanity!
Okay, so after officially warping my world with the Guttenberg announcement, the tape rolls as Team Carrie Ann learns and records their single called "Come With It." Carrie Ann plays them their recording and they’re super excited and happy. When they performed it and I got to hear it in its entirety, I really liked it. I mean, it wasn’t Shakespeare but it was definitely a good number with clear vocal lead lines, solid harmonies and great choreography that really featured each member. Honestly, there’s something about them that really just clicks – something intangible that Team Bruno doesn’t quite have.
All right, our last three Dancing With The Stars cast members are Football player/eye candy Jason Taylor, Actress Shannon Elizabeth, and…Priscilla Presley. This cast is…insane. I keep using that word but, seriously. The participation of some of these people has truly blown my mind.
For their final group number, both teams join together to perform "One Night Only" from Dreamgirls. And it’s back to the Mermaid Lounge. Also, I think the Barbie & The Rockers doll named Derek wore the same outfit Zack is wearing.
So…after 70 minutes of filler, we get one more bit of pre-packaged fluff about each team talking about themselves and the other team. The problem is that Zack and Lacey are angering the karmic gods by talking massive amounts of smack about Team Carrie Ann. Qis and Chris put in a few jabs themselves, but not nearly as bad as the other two.
And the moment of truth…the winner, after 5 more minutes of time stretching, is…Team Bruno? Ugh. I call bull. Again, it’s not that they’re not talented, I just don’t like them as much – partially because of Bruno and partially because of my personal aesthetics. If Disney is smart, they’ll sign Carrie Ann’s team anyway.
So what are we thinking? Did the right team win? But more importantly, what do you think about the Season 6 Dancing with the Stars cast?