It’s been a few days since Big Brother: ‘Til Death Do You Part betrayed America by telling us we would get to vote a player back into the house and then totally changing the rules at the last minute to bounce James back in based on the HGs votes instead. We had an alliance BB! How could you? I’m till not ready to forgive.
In other quick review news, Sharon told Sheila (with proper spelling for once – don’t know what I was thinking, loyal readers. I’ve become too jaded by all the "unique" spellings of names. I’m looking at you Joshuah) that Matt put the moves on her when she was HoH and he’s a bad kisser. And Sheila told Natalie. Who hopped the crazytrain to Desperationville and promptly took up mayoral duties. When the show ended James had been evicted, reinstated and was battling for HoH in an endurance competition.
It seems that while 5 HGs voted to bring back James, 3 did not. Of course, we know those 3 were Matt, Sheila and Ryan. James can guess Ryan and Sheila outs herself but Matt, being the stand up guy he is, announces that he voted to bring James back. Is it just me, or does he seem more and more slimy with each episode? On the opposite end of the spectrum, poor deluded Natalie confessionals that she voted to bring James back because she wanted to redeem herself and earn back her word. Gosh, if only it worked like that!
Throughout the HoH competition, as people fall off over the hours, Natalie maintains a non-stop stream of chatter that those in mental health field might term "hyperverbal" and declare a symptom of deeper psychosis. But something about it must work because as the 4th hour rounds itself out it comes down to just Natalie and James. Sadly, it is perfectly clear to everyone that Natalie is fighting more for Matt than herself and he uses that in every way he can by vowing to finally come through on the massage that he has been promising her for weeks and by instructing her not to make any deals. However, as the minutes tick by and her dehydration sinks in even further, she starts to gag, dry heave and get tearful, giving James the perfect opportunity. He tells her that if she quits he will not target her or Matt, a deal she can’t resist.
Thus, Natalie drops and a few moments later, so does James – as the new HoH. Natalie remains curled up where she fell, vomiting and apologizing. Chelsia sums up my sentiments when she tells Matt that if she catches him bad mouthing Natalie one more time after tonight, she will personally kick his ass. Natalie just cries, probably because she thinks now she won’t get the oft promised massage. Man, they say love is blind, but in this case it must be deaf and dumb too. Heavy on the dumb.
As soon as Natalie gets herself pulled together, Ryan is pulling her aside, demanding to know why she voted to bring James back into the house. Seems like someone is feeling the heat – but it was his own dumb moves that painted a bullseye on his back. Just to drive the point home, Natalie tells him that she didn’t know what to do and we get a montage of her sitting between Ryan and Matt and basically freaking out about not knowing who to vote for. Neither of them says a word to her. When she goes to the DR to vote, she passes Joshuah in the hall and is still shrilling about not knowing who to vote for and as he passes her he says "JAMES!" See, just tell the poor girl what to do and she does it.
Speaking of montages, we also see one of the worst bible study group of all time – Matt, Adam, and Ryan – who try to figure out how big Goliath stood and declare Jacob "Da Man" for getting married twice in 2 weeks, sleeping with his wives maids and fathering 30 kids. I can’t wait to see what happens when they get to Revelations. Also, Matt does give Natalie the promised massage after reiterating that he doesn’t love her and won’t touch her "boobies". Frankly, I won’t let a male who calls them "boobies" near me. Chances are too high that he also calls his penis a "wee-wee" and it’s just too creepy all around. Natalie predictably gushes about what a great masseur he is, but frankly his performance looks pathetically lackluster to me. How hard is it to roll a rack of wooden balls over someone for 5 minutes? Weak sauce!
Continuing with the pathetic theme, Matt goes about the house telling everyone he kept James because he was afraid of Allison coming back – basically stealing Natalie’s reason. All the same, the house isn’t so short on intelligence that they don’t doubt him just a little and it comes down to a toss up between who is the liar: Matt or Adam. That’s what you get for calling yourself "Baller". And calling autistic children "retards". In response, he and his crazy eyes go right to James to unceremoniously blurt out that he voted him back in the house and anyone who thinks otherwise needs to come talk to him. Aggro much?
Also feeling the heat is Ryan, who comes up to James in the HoH room. He starts out "I’m not here to kiss your ass, but I hope you remember…" and he doesn’t get to finish before James interrupts with "I GOT EVICTED". Ryan tries to say he did too, but he has nothing left after James points out that he actually walked out the door and went through the exit interview with Julie. He also lets it out that Matt is selling Ryan out as quickly as he can, but that it doesn’t matter because in the end, only Chelsia kept her word to him.
We all know Ryan was going to be up on the block. As for the number two, I figured it for Adam or Sheila. As much as I would have enjoyed Adam going up despite having voted to bring James back, Sheila admitted outright that she voted for the mystery HG instead of James. Additionally, she looked him in the eye and gave him her word to keep him in the house, and so James puts her next to Ryan. How much campaigning will be needed to get rid of Ryan? Would you rather see Sheila go? I know I don’t want to see the unitard anymore!