Aloha! Welcome to the last installment of My Fair Brady — the one where issues are touchingly resolved and all is right with the world. Well, maybe half that. But for the record, let me say that I remain every bit as proud a member of Team Curry as I did in the first episode.
So Adrienne and Chris are off to Hawaii for the weekend — Kauai, to be exact — and he’s hoping she’ll "warm up to the whole baby idea." Of course, it’s windy, rainy, and storming. Great. "I think this is a bad omen," Chris says. Yet his lovely wife and her lovely new 34Cs are doing a little dance in her bikini, and they hit the hot tub to relax. And of course Chris uses it as an opportunity to obsess about how he’ll be in his late 60s when his kid graduates from high school. He’s thinking about kids constantly, he says. No kidding — and talking about them as much. Apparently no one’s ever instructed him that maybe once in a while, ya gotta give it a rest.
They go for a romantic evening at a local luau, and Adrienne joins in on the kid talk. "If we have kids, would you prefer a girl or a boy?" she asks Chris, confessing she wants a girl. Now, at this point I can’t tell if she’s really warming to the idea, or she’s just messing with him. I suspect it’s the former, because heavens to betsy, ya can’t wave a red flag at a bull like that. It’s just mean.
Lured by a very cute little girl (that’s how they get the tourists), Adrienne and Chris end up on stage learning to hula. And they look like nerds. But that’s OK. Back in the room, Adrienne’s looking to "get freaky." Chris, of course, needs to have a serious conversation about having kids. I realize it’s for the cameras, but seriously, what’s with this guy? Does every conversation have to go this way? Can’t he leave it alone for just an evening? Has no one ever told him that when you have kids you can’t always have your own way? And oh sweet mother, what happens if for whatever reason have trouble conceiving? Adrienne might actually end up nagged to death.
Then they end up having a good talk. He tells her that she’s a gift, and she’s brought back into his life the idea of children, which he thought had passed him by. In turn, she hits the nail smack on the head: "I am so scared that if we have a kid, that they’re going to see mommy an daddy get in a fight, and daddy say that he wants a divorce, pack his bags and march out the door — and then come back two hours later. Uh uh. No. Do you know what that does to a child?"
The next day, in his narration, Chris says, "Last night we talked about the pros and cons of having kids. I get the sense that she feels she’s being railroaded." Uh, ya think? She’s only said exactly that a dozen times. Earth to Chris.
They go for a disastrous kayaking trip, and then to dinner, where they have one of their patented capital-S-for-serious talks. And there’s no way you can watch this interaction without giving them both a huge amount of credit. She talks about how much her life has changed in the past few years — winning America’s Next Top Model, doing The Surreal Life, meeting Chris, getting married, and most importantly, kicking a nasty drug habit that included heroin and cocaine. She confesses that she never had much of a vision of the future, because she wanted to die. Turns out she was abducted and molested at age 5, then raped as a teen. "I know that’s why I’m so defensive — because of what happened to me as a kid," she says. "I’m ashamed of it. But I’m a lot better than I used to be."
I could quote the bulk of what Adrienne said here, because I took pretty close to verbatim notes — what she was saying was kind of blowing me away. And then she gets down to the really key factor in her reluctance to have children (besides her very reasonable fear of his anger issues): "If anything ever happened to my child like what happened to me, I don’t know what I would be able to do."
And by God, Chris is a trooper. He shuts his pie hole. He listens. And he tries to put into his own words and his own understanding what she’s saying. For the first time, it seems like the guy gets it, and is getting out of his own way long enough to do so. And then she burps "I love you" — so you know that they’re the same old knuckleheads as before.
After dinner, they go for a walk on the beach, and talk some more about the idea of taking a chance. Their whole relationship has been built on taking chances — on themselves, on one another, on things working out. And, she says, the truly good things of her life have happened when she’s made up her mind to take a risk — and then done it. So, pulling her birth control pills out of her bag, she says, "Birth control makes life so predictable," and throws it into the ocean.
Here we go.
What’d you think? Were you as impressed as I was at her ability to be forthright and insightful about her past? Not to mention relieved that maybe in the end, he might be growing up a little bit? Would you want to be their nanny?