Last week on Paradise Hotel 2, the world rejoiced as Raheim was sent packing. This week, a couple of people confuse the hell out of me by mourning his departure, while several others compete for his now-vacant "most annoying self-important trouble-maker" throne.
I tend to date guys with nice cars and good spoilers.
Either there are vast swaths of footage showing Raheim being a sterling guy that we never saw, or James and Lauren are completely delusional. They whimper and weep that Raheim, Prince Among Men, is no longer with us. Dudes: Raheim was insane and infuriating. Dry your tears and get on with it, ok?
Tanya has the gall to mention to James that you know, you can see him after the game is done, and James takes umbrage — "Tanya, honestly right now, I don’t want to hear it — I love you to death, just let me have my moment." Wah!
Enough tears. There’s a new chick to greet, and she’ll be judging a Hottest Bods of Paradise Hotel competition among the men! As she’s a cute Filipino chick who can fill out a bikini, the guys are happy to compete. Tragically, they look like total idiots, coming out in capes and announcing fake names. (James is Ice Man, Chris is Black Magic, and Ryan is Captain Liberty.) I’m almost embarrassed for them. New Girl Myrna picks Aaron as the winner, because he had the best personality. And that relates to how hot his bod is how, exactly? Aaron wins a dinner date with Myrna, which he fumbles by giving her the hard sell to join the his alliance. Myrna remains uncommitted.
As well she should, for there is drama to be stirred up! When Myrna met with the girls, she told them she’d been dating men who have "a touch of black, nice cars and good jobs." Lauren tells Ryan the cars/jobs bit, and he takes offense — dude, I’m a pro lifeguard! She’s dissing my career choices! He proceeds to get utterly plastered and ask Myrna about it — word is you only like guys with nice cars and good jobs. OK, that part is accurate to what Lauren said, but not quite what Myrna had said. Then Ryan goes nuts — they said you won’t date anyone who’s not driving a Mercedes and making $50,000! Myrna takes offense that he thinks he’s materialistic, Ryan takes offense that she’s not seduced by his surfer charm, I take offense that I’m still watching this argument. Who cares? Ryan, apparently — when Tanya agrees that hey, money ain’t bad, you can do things with it, he storms out of the pool and tells Mike that Tanya is an idiot. Mike. Of course, tells Tanya. Sigh.
And that’s not the end of the drama. There’s also brouhaha about whether Aaron kissed Stephanie — Lauren asks Aaron, Stephanie takes offense, Lauren takes offense at the offense, Lauren opines that Aaron should take his head out of his ass and go home, Aaron takes offense. I continue to fail to care, and I have no idea what they’re putting in the drinks to make the guests so prone to throwing hissyfits over absolutely nothing.
Myrna says she’s not about the drama — hah! The twist this week is "Paradise Confidential," when everyone will meet with Myrna one-on-one and share innermost thoughts. She asks most of them who they’d send home. She asks Lauren and Tanya if they told Ryan she was a materialistic cow. Lauren denies everything, while Tanya comes clean — yeah, I told him about the car/job thing, but he misinterpreted it from there. Lauren is convinced Myrna wants to send her home.
Final drama of the night: The men are getting new roommates, and Myrna gets to make the assignments. She carefully listened to who wanted to boot out who… and then matches them together. The new pairings:
- Krista and James — they’re fine with it.
- Tanya and Chris — they seem ok, but Chris has a really good poker face.
- Lauren and Aaron — Lauren is pissed, since she knows Myrna knows they’re fighting
- TD and Mike — Mike covers well, but he’s disappointed.
- Stephanie and Ryan — Stephanie’s excited, but Ryan is horrified — you mean I’m going to have to actually talk to the woman I’ve bee schtupping? Horrors!
- Raheim leaves a letter for Myrna saying his ouster was "a shock to us all." If by "shock" you mean "tremendous boon to the viewing audience," then sure. He also tells Myrna to watch out for Stephanie and Tanya.
- Aaron initially takes it amiss that some girl is going to get to judge his body: "If she’s going to be judging us, she’d better be hot enough to judge us!" Shut up, Aaron.
- When Myrna announces the results of Mr. Hot Bod, Ryan is the only one who doesn’t even place. If this was a romantic comedy, they’d end up married by the end of the show.
- Ryan is officially a tool — he talks about how he really doesn’t like Stephanie, wouldn’t have anything to do with her, and is just screwing her because it’s a way to pass the time. Plus, "it was fun having people watch me." Lovely.
- Mike says he’d boot off TD, just because she spends so little time with the group. She’s always napping, he says — "I thought she had narcolepsy." All right, that’s kind of funny.
- Myrna says she’s not someone you should mess with. Chris is pleased — "Aw, you’re vindictive -that’s so sexy." Ohhhhkay…
Who’s the biggest annoyance now that Raheim is gone? Who’s most likely to get booted next? Is anyone still out there?