Last week on ‘The Bachelor: London Calling’, Carie and Michelle warbled their way home, followed closely by early favorite (of Matt’s, not of your fearless recapper) Erin H. And Shayne brought the kind of A-Game crazy not usually found until at least week three in earlier cycles. Desperate sluts these days! So advanced!
On this week’s very! long! episode! the girls will go on one group date and two solo dates with Matt. The first one-on-one date box reveals that Holly will be walking the red carpet at the premiere of Made of Honor. She chooses a genuinely unflattering zebra-print maxidress with keyhole cutout. Matt loves the red carpet and writes "Matt + Holly" plus a heart in the wet cement outside Graumann’s. But! They’re not even invited to the premiere, which is awesome – they’re just there for a private screening. Heh. After the movie, they go to the Roosevelt Hotel and have a romantic dinner, although Matt is concerned that he and Holly have no electricity, which I’m fairly certain means he doesn’t want to sleep with her. Although he does mack on her in the hot tub, and eventually gives her the rose, so…maybe he was talking about the actual electricity in the hotel?
Back at the house, another date box arrives and the girls learn that they will be playing rugby on the group date, with the exception of Shayne, who will get the second solo date. And the "Matt Loves Holly" concrete lands on the front steps of the house, sending the girls into paroxysms of panic. The girls are split into two teams, and it’s all fun and games and mud wrestling until Marshana gets elbowed in the face and ends up with a split lip. The other girls accuse her of faking to win Matt’s attention. After the match, everyone adjourns to Matt’s gorgeous house for hot-tubbing and massages. Matt and Kelly go in for a couples’ massage, at which point she kicks out the masseuse and climbs on top of him to do some massaging of her own. Afterwards, Robin joins Matt in the hot tub for some one-on-one time. Amanda snags Matt for some face time but gets blindsided by Noelle and Kristine, who awkwardly attempt to join the conversation. At the end of the evening, Robin gets the rose.
While Shayne waits for her date, Holly pulls out a full-on spray-tanning apparatus – complete with compressor! – and sprays Shayne down. The date box arrives and Shayne learns that her date will involve wine, which…we’ve seen Shayne and wine before. We’re on to you, producers! They’re going wine tasting in Ojai, and Shayne is having trouble navigating her heels even before she starts drinking, so this should be fairly epic. She attempts to dodge questions about her "famous" family. Once again, Shayne proves herself Unclear on the Concept when she tells Matt that she doesn’t see herself getting married soon. Wait, what is she competing for again? At least she admits to being high-maintenance. Her top five things in life are cars, shoes, handbags, sunglasses and watches. The future mother of your children, Matt Grant! Come on down! She curls into his lap in front of the fire, and Matt just can’t keep his paws off her. He admits to feeling like a hormonal teenager around her, and gives her a rose.
The next evening, Matt arrives at the house for some face time with the rest of the girls. Chelsea moves in really awkwardly for a kiss, but Matt reciprocates. Noelle admits to Robin that she doesn’t think Matt knows who she is (neither do I, sweetie!) Robin moves in on Amy’s solo time with Matt, and Shayne, Amy and Kelly steal him back. Robin’s forwardness prompts a confrontation with Marshana and Shayne, and the other girls quickly pile on against her. While Matt sits down with poor Kristine, who is ten years older and light years more mature than any other girl in the house, the rest of the girls scream at each other in the kitchen. Holly cries as she realizes that Matt is going to continue to date the rest of the women. Chris appears for the rose ceremony, and oh my god Shayne appears to be made up as a clown doll. My weekly uneducated guess: Amy, Kristine and Noelle are going home. Hey, I was close this time! Substitute Jillian Barberie-alike Erin in for sweet little Noelle and I was dead on. I guess all of us girls are getting to know Matt a little better.
Next week: the Santa Monica Pier, plus sudden-death dating.
But what did you think? I was so relieved Noelle didn’t get the ax, although I continue to be disappointed that the Kellys and Shaynes of the world are sticking around as well. Do you have a favorite yet? Give!