Hear me now, CBS gods: If, one year from tonight, there is no episode of How I Met Your Mother featuring the full story of the goat at Ted’s birthday party, you and I are done forever. I mean, let’s face it – Navy: NCIS, The Ghost Whisperer, and Cookie Cutter Crime Procedural #47 aren’t all that compelling. And don’t even get me started on Two and a Half Men. RENEW HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER NOW!!! Okay, now that that’s out of the way and my rage is subsiding… Hello! I’m subbing in for Josh this week, and we now return to your regularly scheduled recap, containing the usual spoilers.
Tonight’s episode took place the week of Ted’s 30th birthday (AKA "The Day of the Goat"), and ROBIN AND BARNEY TOTALLY SLEPT TOGETHER. Sorry, couldn’t hold that in any longer. Yep, they spent the night together and everything. He didn’t even do anything worthy of putting her on the bracket! Of course, he did violate the Bro Code. And a violation this grave requires a lawyer capable of finding a loophole in the Code. (Yes, it’s an actual book, with a glorious history dating back to the Founding Fathers.)
Enter: Marshall. You know, of all the fictional people in the world I wouldn’t trust with a secret, Marshall would be towards the top of the list. Right after Susan from Desperate Housewives and Pinocchio. Of course, I would also never predict that Barney would suck so much at lying — he’s a hot tranny mess trying to keep his cool around Ted. Anyway, the Code is ironclad, and Barney has no choice but to confess his sins to Ted.
Meanwhile, Farmer Frank (who’s a bit of an alkie) visits Lily’s class with Missy the goat, on their way to the butcher shop. Cue horrified children demanding that Missy be rescued. That’s right, boys and girls… go vegetarian! All the cool kids are doing it! Aaaanyway, Lily purchases Missy, but the animal rescue can’t pick her up for several days. AWESOME. I love goats! Though yeah, I probably wouldn’t want one in my apartment.
At any rate, Lily brings Missy to Ted’s surprise party on the roof, and is totally loving the "goat in a party hat" action. For now. [Ominous music.] Fun fact: There is nothing funnier than a close-up shot of a goat’s face accompanied by ominous music. True story. You know, there’s nothing that can top a Robin Sparkles episode, but the goat definitely gave this week’s otherwise semi-serious (well, for this show) entry a huge leg up.
While everyone is waiting for Ted at the party, Barney hustles him off toward Vegas for a magical weekend of bro fun, to get Ted into the best possible mood before he hears the news about Robin. Unfortunately for Barney, Robin already confessed. Fortunately for Barney, Ted’s totally fine with it. And wait, he just remembered — his mom is coming into town next month! "MAYBE YOU’D LIKE TO NAIL HER, TOO!" Oh, Ted…that’s really not an invitation you want to extend to Barney, even sarcastically.
But yeah, it seems Ted’s upset that Barney broke the Bro Code; upset because Barney, who has done a lot of bad things in his day, finally did one of those things to Ted. And then, the biggest slam of all: "Earlier this week I started putting things in a box, and that box was labeled ‘Stuff I Have No Use For Anymore’…maybe you belong in that box." Ham-handed? Yes. Still painful? Yes. Ted no longer wants to be bros, nay, friends with Barney. Nooooo! Those two crazy kids had better patch it up fast — their unlikely friendship is one of my favorite things about HIMYM. Although I have to say, I’m intrigued by the Barney/Robin plot. It’s been a bit of an inevitability since the "Wingman" episode, and a little shaking up is never a bad thing, right?
After leaving Barney in the limo, Ted arrives at the party and pretends to be surprised by all his friends who didn’t sleep with his ex. (Including Stella, supposedly, though we don’t actually see her.) And finally, we get the goat story that we’ve been waiting for ever since Ted mentioned in the first season ("Milk") that there was a goat in his bathroom on his 30th birthday. You see, later that night, Missy locked herself in the bathroom, was eating one of Robin’s washcloths, and… oh, wait, Robin wasn’t living there that year. The whole goat thing must’ve been on Ted’s 31st birthday. Bob Saget Ted got confused. His bad. The end.
…WHAT?! Okay, so wait. Love the whole "unreliable narrator" business, which almost distracted me from the fact that Robin will be living with Ted in a year. Jigga-what?!
A few final points of awesomeness:
- Bro Code Article 34: "Bros cannot make eye contact during a Devil’s Three-way." HA! Also, why have I totally heard the term "Devil’s Three-way" before? Did they not make that up? I’m too afraid to Google it.
- Looove the new details about Barney’s job. Anything involving paper shredders, hypnotists, and poisoned drinking water in Lisbon is possibly worthy of Barney’s many special talents.
- Speaking of Barney’s special talents, I loved Lily’s reaction to Robin’s sleeping with Barney: "I can’t believe you did that! That’s SO gross! …Was it amazing?" Ha! That would totally be my reaction, too!
So, are you rooting for Ted and Barney to be BFF (according to Barney) again? Are you rooting for Robin and Barney to make a go at it? And are you rooting for CBS executives to renew the hell out of this awesome show already?