It’s been a long hard road for the girls on Rock of Love 2. Of course, I use the terms "girls" loosely. HA! Loosely! My goodness, what has watching this show for two seasons now done to me?
I can tell you it has not gotten me a trip to Cancun, so maybe the girls are on to something. They arrive at their resort to be greeted by traditional Mayan dancers. Well, first they are greeted by someone bearing alcohol and THEN dancers, which is far more in keeping with the spirit of the show. They all clap before running inside, where the girls are gifted resort wear, before getting ready to go meet Bret for dinner.
And dinner starts off well enough. Everyone is excited to be there and the girls gush about how great their room is. Then Bret mentions that he has questions for them, good ones and bad ones, about all kinds of stuff, about life. And yes, that is how he puts it, which is shocking enough. I almost fall out of my chair when Daisy responds to this announcement by saying she has a list of questions herself and then she pulls out an honest to goodness paper list and pencil. How Ambre keeps from bursting out laughing, I have no idea.
It goes form surprising to outright shocking when the question Daisy poses is valid and seems to have required some forethought on her part. She tells Bret that he has spoken several time about the qualities of Ambre that he likes – beautiful, smart, strong, talented – but when he talks about her, he only mentions the physical attraction and she wants to know if there is anything else there. Mind you, it’s not that she would care if there weren’t, she just wants to know. Unfortunately, we don’t get much of an answer from Bret before the girls start sniping at each other. As they go back and forth, we get a slow pull in on him sitting between them, eyes on his plate, merrily eating away and trying to ignore them. But eventually, he has to admit that he can’t and so he announces that tomorrow he’s going on a date with Ambre, the day after that will be spent with Daisy, and for tonight, he’s going to his room to think about what they talked about. Or get away from their incessant noise. Whichever.
The next day dawns and Daisy decides to confront Ambre about how saying she used her sexuality to form a connection to Bret hurt her feelings. Somehow she turns this into a theory about how this proves Ambre isn’t sexy and knows it, which she feels is supported by the fact that Ambre slouches – as she demonstrates in a walk that looks more like a gorilla impersonation than anything else. Ambre, confused, assures Daisy that she has plenty of confidence in her sexuality, but Daisy is having none of it. Instead, she counters by saying "I’m sexy, Ambre! I’m sorry, but I am! Get over it!" Which….what?
But Ambre has bigger fish to fry, and one aging rock star to impress. She meets up with Bret and discovers they are going to "rough it" through some "ruins" before hitting some spa treatments. I use quotation marks because while I have never been there myself, the ruins they are "roughing it" through seem like something created by Disney, what with the perfectly lit waterfalls, butterfly gardens and stone walkways. They get to the center of the non-ruinous ruins where there is a body of water with two massage beds in the middle. It’s very beautiful and serene and they each are getting a massage until Ambre gets up, climbs on top of Bret and starts to massage him herself. Bret, however, has to ask if it’s her. Is she fuzzy legged or something?
They have a lovely lunch, where Bret reveals that he’s dated more girls with "Daisy’s mentality" (ouch!) than Ambre’s, but that he had a 5 year relationship with a girl like Ambre once and it ended because she couldn’t handle his lifestyle. Ambre assures him that she knows it’s just his job and that he comes home, which seems a bit naive to me. She returns to the suite she is sharing with Daisy, only to get into another fight with the girl who has become her rival. And since the fight involves Daisy, it makes precious little sense. Here’s a taste of what Daisy has to say about the situation to Ambre: "I’m really sorry that you are perfect and that you live in your perfect, wonderful world and that everything is stunning. That’s great for you. Thank you!" Yeah, I have no idea what her point is. I think she just randomly strings words together and hopes for the best.
Ambre decides it’s not worth her time and goes out to her dinner with Bret. He gives her a necklace, which I am certain we will see him give a copy of to Daisy before the end of the episode. He also informs her that ever since their kiss on the motocross track, he knew her shyness was all an act. Which is when she reveals to him that she’s not wearing underwear. Proving what a class act she is, she shows him – twice – by pulling a Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. He calls for the check and they leave. Lost his appetite? Oh, if only. We get a thankfully brief montage of them getting to his room, making out and going to the bed, before we see her leave the next morning with him admitting that all doubts he had regarding her sexual intensity are gone. Which is really information I was better off not having.
Ambre returns to her room, where Daisy is waiting to pick another meandering and illogical argument, which consists mostly of her mentioning how much she is looking forward to her date over and over. They bicker, but soon enough she meets Bret and he tells her he’s taking her out on a boat for some fishing. But first, he tackles a hard question (tackle! fishing! God, help me) by asking her where she is in her life right now. He could have asked her to explain quantum mechanics for all the sense her answer makes. She ends her rambling statement with "So, it’s good to know. But sometimes you know and sometimes you don’t know. I don’t know if thats a good thing or a bad thing, but that’s all I know."
So, based on that, you can see how it’s actually a relief to Bret when she gets seasick and starts vomiting. It’s an improvement over her attempting to converse.
They turn the boat around, each go change and meet up again for dinner. I was right, we see the necklace again. Also, Daisy makes another bad move by deciding to spend most of dinner bashing Ambre. She tells Bret that her rival is old and boring and not right for him. But he’s barely listening. I wonder if it’s in his contract that he has to spend the night with these women at the end of the show? I don’t think I want to know the answer to that.
Daisy returns to the room the next morning, which gives us a chance to see yet another argument between with girls. Which is really about as enjoyable as stabbing myself in the ear with a chopstick. This time it is Ambre confronting Daisy for being so mean to her the day before, by telling her she’s not sexy and making fun of her walk. Daisy counters that Ambre degraded her by calling her a stripper, despite the fact that she is actually a stripper. When Ambre points that out, Daisy storms out of the room to go cry on the desk and whine to the camera that she doesn’t know what to do.
I know what she should do. Go inside, take a shower, burn that hideous dress and considering growing her eyebrows back.
Alas, none of that occurs before breakfast arrives and the girls are told they will each be treated to a day of beauty at the spa before the final elimination. What follows is a drawn out series of montages that repeat the montages we’ve gotten for the rest of the episode. The main focuses are how sexy Bret thinks Daisy is, how Ambre was nearly kicked out of the house on the first episode and how Bret made the wrong choice last time and wants to get it right this time. Take that, Jes!
The girls, of course, each have declared their love and cry to the cameras about how scared they are, how much they don’t want to leave and how they are sure Bret is the man of the dreams. Does the man of anyones dreams actually wear a long blonde wig? Really? Ambre says if he picks her, she will feel complete. Which is just so sad on so many levels. Daisy says she will be shocked if he picks Ambre over her, because she’s boring and old and she wants him. Eloquent as always.
And honestly, at this point, I figure I have it figured out. After all, last season Bret did go with the fan favorite, a girl who demonstrated the ability to hang while not going too crazy in most instances, who was not a complete idiot and who could not be used as a flotation device – a decision he spent most of the evening maligning. As such, I figured Daisy for the win. And he tells Daisy up and takes her hands, with a cut away to her saying to the camera "Wow, he’s picking me? Really?" only to have him tell her that her tour is over. Brilliant editing and I can’t contain my shock! Less shocking is Daisy responding that she plans to curl up in ball and eat a lot of ice cream, because she is one cliche after another.
Bret calls Ambre to him and tells her that he’s found his Rock of Like, his Rock of Lust and his Rock of Love with her. And proving that this is the stuff of epic romance, he then asks her "Can we have hot monkey sex now?"
So, what did you think of Bret’s pick? What did you think of the entire season? Are you as excited as I am for the reunion? How could you not be after the previews of the catfight between Heather and Daisy?! And how long do you think it will be until we get Rock of Love 3? I put it at 3 months, tops!