Today’s cuppa: English afternoon tea (again, in the morning)
My Thom Beers fascination continues with this week’s edition of my print TV-humor column, "We’d Like to See" (which,unfortunately, almost never winds up on the Web) — and we haven’t even gotten to my story for the premiere of Beers’ NBC show, "America’s Toughest Jobs."
Anyway, here’s my mad imaginings about what would happen if very unlikely shows became video games:
"Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm" for Xbox 360 is a video game based on the crab-fishing Hansen brothers — Sig, Edgar and Norman — of the Northwestern, one of the regular ships featured on the hit Discovery Channel show.
It allows gamers to battle high seas, catch crabs and participate in United States Coast Guard rescues. (It’s reportedly the first video game to feature Coast Guard vessels and helicopters.)
For those who think of video games as being all about monsters, aliens, auto and racing, crab fishing might not leap immediately to mind as a game genre. But just about any TV show can be turned into a video game, and if we all live long enough, they probably will.
"Nightline: You Be the Koppel": In this retro version of the late-night ABC news show, users get to be veteran newsman Ted Koppel as he tries to cover major news events during the show’s 25-year-plus history while being urged by marketing executives to cover other topics. As Koppel, users must make the case for covering the Middle East peace accord in September 1995 instead of doing a week’s worth of programs on the revival of "The New Adventures of Flipper" (starring, by the way, Jessica Alba). Or, the computer-generated Koppel fights for coverage of the presidential election in the fall of 2000, as opposed to a week’s worth of the sweeps episodes of "Dark Angel" (starring, by the way, Jessica Alba).
"The Bachelor": Really, you should be able to come up with a rough idea of this one on your own. Just think girls, bikinis and hot tubs — and maybe exploding roses.
"Hannity & Colmes: Red and Blue Rage Deathmatch": A strange combination of political chatfest and an animated version of Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots, this exciting 3-D game allows users to indulge their fantasies about turning the show’s shouting matches into "Deathmatch" cage fights. Along with Sean Hannity vs. Alan Colmes (with an automatic handicap for the milder-mannered Colmes), other match-ups feature Susan Estrich versus Ann Coulter, and the Rev. Al Sharpton versus Newt Gingrich.
"Attack of the Show: The Mobius Loop": Video game versions of the hosts of this G4 show that often focuses on video games talk about video game versions of real video games. Then everyone’s head explodes.
"Make Your Own … E! True Hollywood Story": Users build a profile of a fictitious celebrity by assembling such standard elements as "The Discovery," "The Sudden Rise to Fame," "Trouble in Paradise," "The Fall From Grace," "Rehab," "The Unfortunate Sex Tape," "Rehab II" and "The Comeback" — followed by "Rehab III" and "Reality Show Purgatory."
"Dirty Jobs: Down & Dirty": Different levels include "The World of Poo," "You Want Me to Crawl Through What?" and "Violating Farm Animals."