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This week, Bones shows us the possible consequences of fooling around on your significant (or not-so-significant) other: You could end up splashed on a reality show, you could end up buried in poop, or you could be witness to an uncomfortable meeting of your booty-call boy and your mental man. None of these options sounds pleasant.

This spoiler dropped trou to warn you about the potential dangers of meeting people over the internet — honest!

A trucker gets more than he bargained for when the outhouse he scampered into explodes. That’s not the interesting part (the boom was probably just caused by the natural buildup of methane) — that honor goes to the corpse that was buried in head-down sewage up to his waist. Ew! After a mere three days of the poop treatment, the upper half of the corpse is completely eaten away. His lower half was preserved just fine.

The team gets to sift through sewage, which strikes me as even less fun than their usual activities. After plenty of ick, they find that the corpse had been wearing a toupee, that he was bludgeoned on the back of the skull, and that he had a picture crammed down his throat with enough force to break his teeth. Who could inspire that much hate?

How about a guy who hosts a reality show that catches men in the act of cheating on their wives? "Busted by Bill", a cross between "To Catch a Predator" and "Cheaters," is the sort of thing that tends to provoke some passion, especially among the men caught cheating. One in particular responded to his moment in t he spotlight by punching Bill, but even though he’s mysteriously left town, he turns out to be a sad-sack gambler who’s on the run from his bookie. A wife who refuses to believe her husband was actually about to cheat (even though he appeared sans pants) is another suspect, but she, too, turns up clean.

But there were plenty of tensions at work, too. Bill had argued with his producer, Arthur — Arthur would lose his megabucks franchise if Bill left, but he’d get a nice insurance payout from the death of his star. Bill wanted veronica, another staffer, fired — were they sleeping around? Nope, that honor went to Holly, one of the honeytrap girls used to lure the cheaters. A combination of a thrush infection and a tongue piercing proved that Holly was intimate with bill, but she swears they were in love. Why would she kill him? More to the point, how would she have the strength to upend a guy into an outhouse pit? But Pete, the camera guy — he lived with Holly, used to date her, and was enraged when he found photo of the two in flagrante. He lost it, and Bill was done for.

Brennan and Booth
Brennan shocks the heck out of Booth when he discovers she’s dating two men simultaneously. There’s Mark, a deep-sea welder and fine physical specimen who gets invited over for sex, and Jason, a botanist and bon vivant who stimulates Brennan’s mind but not her naughty bits. Booth mocks Mark, gleefully sabotages a date with Jason, and is ridiculously pleased when Mark and Jason find out about each other.

And I’m actually a bit frustrated with Booth here — Brennan has the right to live her life as she sees fit. As far as I could tell, she never told Mark or Jason that they were exclusive, so why not? It’s not Booth’s job to be big brother to Brennan and tell her who she can and can’t date. Now, if he decided to actually act on his own feelings for Brennan, that would be different. But since he and Brennan are still in sexual-tension mode, he’s really got no right to criticize.

That said, Booth was incredibly sweet when he found out Mark and Jason both broke up with Brennan — "If they don’t realize how lucky they are, they don’t deserve you." Ok, great, Booth. But YOU don’t realize what YOU want, just like Brennan doesn’t know what she wants, so you get to stop criticizing.

A last-minute quasi-session with Sweets led Brennan and Booth to realize they had a spiffy little surrogate relationship going on — and they were both fine with that. I have to say, I am too. I fear the Moonlighting syndrome — satisfy the passion, screw up the show.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

  • The new Zach stand-in was Daisy Wick, a hyper-competitive, hero-worshipping glory hound who couldn’t shut up about herself of her admiration for Brennan. It’s enough to make you want the guy who apprenticed himself to a cannibal killer to come back to the lab.
  • Sweets is a perceptive guy, but he’s apparently got crappy taste in women — he ended the episode asking Daisy out.
  • That gang spent part of the time in Hazmat suits because they were dealing with raw sewage. Sweets was loving it — "These suits are so cool! Zzzt, zzzt — I Am A Robot." It was kind of adorable. I really didn’t need to see him sneeze all over his helmet, though.
  • Sweets, on the crime: "Shot in the head, punched in the face AND dumped in poop. Whoever did this did not get enough therapy."
  • Things found in the sewage: Two toy cars, three cellphones, a doorknob, a rubber casing and a plastic Easter bunny head. The Easter bunny head was just freaky.
  • Cam had very little patience for  for Daisy — when Daisy said she just wanted to make sure they realized SHE found the wig, Cam muttered "you did everything but hire a skywriter." Latter, when Daisy kept going on about herself, Cam suggested "You might want to keep a little mystery about yourself." Alas, Daisy was oblivious. No wonder she got fired.
  • Daisy did have one good line: "My boyfriend thinks it’s weird that I love doing this, but I think it’s weird he loves the accordion."
  • Booth and Sweets analyze Jason: Booth: "That guy is gay. Please, double cheek kiss, tight Italian suit" Sweets: "Coldplay" Booth: "Never married." Sweets: "Coldplay." Hee! 
  • I actually enjoyed the return of stalker Noel — he definitely knew how to tail a guy, and his asides were hysterical.
  • Brennan tells Cam and Angela that she’s perfectly able to satisfy herself — she just needs two guys to do it. "I’ve done that," says Angela. "I miss college."
  • Booth wants to know why Brennan is with mark: "There has to be more than sex," he insists. "Not really…" says Brennan. And sometimes, with some people… she’s right. And if Booth doesn’t know that… well, I wonder what his college years were like.
  • OK, tell me if I’m reading too much into this (and if I am, I blame a recent sojourn recapping The Secret Life of the American Teenager, the awfulness of which broke my brain): Did anyone else get the impression that the show was implying that Brennan was some sort of oddball freak for enjoying sex, presumably because girls aren’t supposed to be like that? Because if so, that’s getting to be a tired storyline. Brennan likes nookie, while Booth seems to want to believe she’s some sort of delicate flower. In my opinion, Booth needs to get over it, and so does the show.