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Welcome, lovers of TV and snark, to the Emmy Awards 2008 red carpet live blog! I’ll be reporting on mocking the outfits, the interviews, and the fake tans up until the ceremony starts, so please follow along with me and speak up in the comments! Assisting me with the fashion end of things is my friend Jess, who actually owns items of clothing that weren’t purchased at Goodwill or the clearance rack at Ann Taylor Loft.

Let’s start things off with the upstarts on the TV Guide Channel, and I’ll switch over to E! in an hour or so.

6:00 – I’m just going to say this up front: Lisa Rinna looks like a radioactive orange tic tac wearing a wig and a white dress. And Joey Fatone looks like a bloated ex-boy band member hanging on to fame with both hands.    

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6:05
– Parade of the Emmy hosts. Heidi Klum‘s butterfly earrings look like she stole them off of some grandma’s knick-knack shelf. And don’t even get me started on her dress … are those sparkles trying to distract me from half a cape? I mean, she looks gorgeous anyway, but the dress is disturbingly ugly. And ew, did Joey Fatone just make a sex joke about Heidi’s yodeling? And now Heidi’s talking about saliva. Shut it down, people!   

6:14 – The messy, tucked-under updo with tendrils in the front seems to be the (very cute) hairstyle of choice for women this year, exemplified right now by Katrina Bowden (Cerie on 30 Rock).

6:17 – Did Kathy Griffin lose a bet or something? What’s the deal with her matted hair?!

6:19 – Lisa Edelstein looks really hot, though Jess informs me that her dress looks like a knock-off. And … she has a conversation with Lisa R. and Joey about being vegetarian. Nice!

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6:22
Holland Taylor‘s dress is about as mother of the bride as it gets. Oof.

6:25 – Oscar Nunez buys G-strings from Costo in bulk. Kate Flannery looks gorgeous. And BJ Novak is apparently too cool to do the red carpet with the rest of those guys. Glad to see the stubble gone. And Lisa Rinna tries one of her patented "off the cuff" questions: "What was your favorite TV show growing up?" Wow, Lisa. Way to dig deep.

6:28 – Rinna refuses to believe that Rose Byrne isn’t American. Uncomfortable!

6:31 – David Boreanaz’s wife is hot enough to make me lose all hope. Nuts.

6:39 – Tony Shalhoub’s daughter is adorable. And props to him for wearing a tie that isn’t black. Seriously, aside from Alan Cumming it looks like all the guys are dressed identically.

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6:32
Alan Cumming‘s hair is kind of a bummer, (What is that, even? A really lazy mohawk?), but I love him anyway. He’s actually using a tiny, battery-powered fan on-air (provided by TV Guide), which would be totally tacky if he were anyone else, but I can forgive anything when it comes to Alan.   

6:40 – Lisa Rinna pronounces Zeljko Ivanek’s first name "Yoko." Awkward. Though she does acknowledge that she’s a "blithering idiot" in front of him, so at least she’s self-aware.

6:43 – America Ferrera and Vanessa Williams look HOT. I normally think that strong lipstick just makes you look old, but America is pulling. It. Off. She’s wearing a gorgeous vintage black dress, and her hair is very old Hollywood. Love it!

6:46 – I don’t know who the crazy-looking dude is doing TV Guide’s fashion commentary (or what the issue is with his hair), but I’m totally agreed that Olivia Wilde is the best-dressed so far. Gorgeous.

6:49 – DID LISA RINNA JUST TALK ABOUT HER BOOB SWEAT??? To a very uncomfortable Steve Carell? Wow. Just … wow.

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6:50
Lee Pace is as adorable as his bow tie is lopsided.

6:54 – Okay, apparently the TV Guide fashion guy is named (phonetically) Paul Ben Wa, but I can’t tell you how his name is spelled, because googling "Ben Wa" leads to NO GOOD, as I’ve just been very painfully reminded.

6:56 – Dana Delany’s dress is a bit of a risk, but it’s totally paying off. She looks amazing, from head to toe.

6:57 – TV Guide Channel is going to commercial AGAIN, and Joey just announced to the entire world that Lisa is in the bathroom. Plus, Joey’s hair is driving Jess crazy, and Lisa’s stupid questions are driving me crazy. I mean, yeah, it’s funny at first, but at a certain point your ears just start to bleed from the stupidity of it all. I’m off to E!, since we can at least assume that Seacrest won’t be discussing boob sweat.

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7:00
Dana Delany’s dress is vintage, it seems, and I’d again like to point out how amazing it is. Brooke Shields is also looking good, with hair like America Ferrera’s and a bright pink dress with nice details on the bodice. Seacrest manages to promise he’ll be watching Lipstick Jungle and keep a straight face.

7:03 – Patrick Dempsey and wife look relaxed and regal tonight. What a couple of pro’s. Jennifer Love Hewitt, on the other hand, is a total train wreck. Hair: prom, circa 1985. Dress: matches the hair.

7:06 – The men of Entourage still have their strike beards, it seems. Guys, the strike ended months ago. Pick up a razor!

7:08 – Nicollette Sheridan looks great in purple, but definitely mispronounces "respite." Sigh.

7:09 – Teri Hatcher and Lisa Edelstein are sharing an interview spot with a testy Giuliana Rancic. Weird. I’m undecided on Teri’s yellow dress, as well as Lisa’s "like cattle to the slaughterhouse" metaphor about the red carpet. Altogether an uncomfortable couple minutes.

7:14 – TIM GUNN!  MAKE IT WORK!! CARRY ON!!! Yaaaaay!  And he’s "married to Heidi in [his] own way." Hrrm.

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7:15
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker apparently got caught in a bomb scare and had to walk to the red carpet. THE HORROR!!!!1!  Eva’s dress is 50% bow and 50% fringe…very Country with a capital "C." And Seacrest, dude, we know you and Eva are BFF. You don’t have to remind us of it with every question.

7:17 – Glenn Close is wearing Armani. Armani, apparently, hates Glenn Close. She’s dressed like a slutty widow at her husband’s funeral.

7:18 – The best part of switching channels halfway through: a double helping of David Boreanaz. And he’s wearing flashy socks, just like Booth!

7:19 – Where’s J. Piv’s mom? FAIL, Jeremy. Fail. He looks like a lost puppy without her.

7:21
– Julia Louis-Dreyfus is wearing a gorgeous coral dress–very flattering. Felicity Huffman is ADORABLE with short hair and a cute sparkly dress (take note, Heidi Klum: cute sparkly vs. tacky sparkly). Why is she with Sarah Paulson, though? These interview pairings are really random.

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7:25
– Jay Manuel (oranger than ever) is also loving the Ugly Betty crew, and identifies Vanessa Williams‘ dress as Kevin Hall. It really is great.

7:32 – I love Kyra Sedgwick’s dress. Very Vegas-but-classy.

7:33 – Woooah … Lee Pace is letting Giuliana read his acceptance speech! Jinx-tacular.

7:37 – Brad Garrett is officially the worst-dressed guy. His hair is an homage to Tim Burton’s red carpet tresses, and he’s wearing a black suit and shirt with a bright yellow tie (90’s dance club-style). And wow, he says that the woman he’s with met him at a "Taliban mixer, no wait, a Sarah Palin vibrator party." Oof. I can’t even joke about that.

7:39 – I love Christian Siriano. I want to put him in my pocket and carry him around while he talks about fierceness and drama.

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7:40
– Jess and I agree that Holly Hunter‘s dress is kind of a weird purple. And that her lipstick makes her look a little like a corpse. And yet, she still looks pretty great. Testament to her hotness, I guess.

7:44 – Tom Hanks is wearing old-school Elton John glasses. They basically age him ten years. Thick, clear frames with tinted lenses. Rita Wilson tries to distract me by talking about how everyone should register to vote, but all I can think about is those awful sunglasses. And now Tom is spelling out "V-O-T-E" with his fingers like a freaking cheerleader. Oh, Tom. Your pro-democracy hijinks are so wacky. So very, very wacky.

7:49 – Jay Manuel loves Eva Longoria’s dress, calling it risky and trendy. Um, WHAT? I mean, yeah, she looks gorgeous, but she’d look gorgeous in a pleather jumpsuit–doesn’t mean she should wear one. And that bow is NOT "hot." Nor is the dress "flapper," nor is that amount of fringe "trendy."   

7:53 – I’m not sure if Conan O’Brien’s hair has gotten taller over the years, or if his receding hairline just makes it look taller.

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7:54
– Jess and I are in disagreement. She thinks Kate Walsh looks amazing; I think she needs to wash off some of the makeup.

7:55 – Note to Wayne Brady #1: It’s the Emmy Awards, man. Buy a tie. Note to Wayne Brady #2: Did you just make a joke about being "metrosexual"? Really? Because that’s the kind of joke my dad would make when he’s trying to seem hip to the youngsters’ lingo. Five years late.

8:00 – Are we seriously wrapping things up without a major 30 Rock interview? WEAK. Well, Tina Fey looks great, for the record. Check out Zap2it’s red carpet photo gallery for all the red carpet triumphs and travesties we’ve been discussing and/or click on the photos to enlarge. Thanks for playing along, folks, and enjoy the ceremony!