When we left our dear Bella, she had tried the Sensitive Rocker and the Slug-turned-Jock. Which member of The Ex List will she track down this week? And when do we get to meet the cat owner?
Our Fearsome Foursome are at the beach surfing and/or lounging. Woo, does Bella have on some tiny little bikini! Is that some bottom boob I see? Vivian gets a catcall from some of her students and Bella tells her she’s a living Van Halen video. Haha! Back at home, Bella’s window screen has been cut so they could steal her iPod off its player. Man, that sucks. But the cop is her ex-boyfriend Ronnie Helton. Mmmm. Up against the wall and spread ’em, indeed. (If you think I’m going to lay off the cop-terms-as-innuendo humor, think again my friends!)
Flashback time! This is my favorite part of the show, I think. It’s 1991 and "Right Here, Right Now" plays as 16 year-old Bella sneaks out to meet Ronnie. She gets busted by her dad, who promptly ships her off to her grandmother’s house for the summer.
Back in the present, Ronnie "takes her statement" and then calls her on checking his left hand for a ring. HAHA! I’ve never had a guy call me on that. She says she’s not a ring-checker. Oh please, girlfriend. Once you’re over the age of 24, you have to do it. He then Dragnets "just the fact, ma’am" and asks her if she’s going to look 16 forever. Hmm. Half compliment, half creepy.
Once he leaves, she can’t believe Ronnie the Bad Boy became a cop. She figured the uniform meant he’d start stripping. I actually laugh out loud when Cyrus says his new stripper business will be called "Protect and Swerve."
Flower shop. Bella has trouble with bikers using her parking lot and then fills Daphne in on her encounter with Ronnie. She immediately fills their dad in on Hooligan Ronnie being the cop who responded. Daphne then launches a plan where they scope out cop hotspots for Ronnie so she can run into him "accidentally." They find him at an Italian place, where he sprints across the street to kick a perp’s ass. While he does, Daphne gives Bella’s number to Ronnie’s partner (for Ronnie of course). He calls her later that day and asks her out, saying he’ll be over soon.
Her dad suddenly stops by to install a new lock and alarm for Bella. When Ronnie shows up, her dad won’t shake his hand. Wow, harsh. He’s a police officer! Put out an APB for dad’s manners! Bella dresses him down when Ronnie leaves and dad says guys like that never change. He then volunteers to sleep on the couch that night until the alarm and lock can be properly installed, thus setting up our Bella-sneaks-out-to-meet-Ronnie scene.
Lo and behold, that’s what happens. Bella meets Ronnie and he returns her stolen watch and takes her on a tour of the not-what-they-seem neighborhood places. He tells her the psychic she went to deals in knock-off purses and shoes passed off as authentic. Gulp! He then takes her to their "make out spot" and busts a bunch of teenagers. Woo! That’s fun on a Friday night!
Ronnie tries to "dust her for prints" when they are rudely interrupted by her father calling and then a call for Ronnie. Was that a crime? Or his wife? He kisses her and says they’re on for a real date tomorrow. The next day in the flower shop, Bella tries to call the psychic, wanting to know if Marina is a con artist.
Speaking of con artists, Cyrus goes to work selling alarm systems. He is going to use Bella’s break-in as a way to sell alarms. He gets $200 per alarm system and immediately starts preying on unsuspecting neighbors. Fortunately, no one buys it.
Bella goes to see Marina, where she finds a box of knock-off purses. Marina finds her snooping and won’t give her a reading, saying everything’s "fuzzy" this week. Bella says she’s dating an ex her father hates and Marina gives it a go. She holds Bella’s hands and sees a "wave in the city" that involves her ex. A crime wave, perhaps?
High school history. I was hoping we’d get a payoff on Vivian’s beach oglers! Her male students are staring at her. Of course, she’s wearing a pretty snug green top. I would NOT have been able to wear that when I taught. Her principal then shows up with a warning for her being on the beach in a revealing bikini and flirting with her students. Someone has ratted her out. I suspect the girl shooting daggers at her in class.
Bella heads out to a party with her cop. Do you think he’ll bust out the cherries? Get to see her fuzz? Make her spend time in the pokey? Heh heh, sorry. Cyrus confesses to Augie that he paid homeless men to skulk in front of houses before he rang the doorbell to sell them the alarm system. Snerk. It’s not skid row boxing, but it’s still pretty funny.
On Bella’s date, Ronnie tells her he strong-armed her landlord into keeping her rent down by telling him the building isn’t "fire safe." He then flies her in a private jet to a BBQ in Palm Springs. The jet is his friend’s, whom he did a favor for once. Hmmm… my Dirty Cop alarms are going off. Bella tries to sneak home the next day, but Cyrus and Augie know she never came home the night before. She tells them about the rent kick-back and Augie is suspicious.
Back at school, Daggers-Shooting-Girl is getting broken up with by her boyfriend and Vivian talks to her about the note. She confesses that she wrote the note because her boyfriend has a crush on Vivian. Vivian tries to tell her they’re on the same team. "Respect the sisterhood!" Yeah, that’ll work.
Back at the apartment, Augie and Papa Bloom commiserate about not liking Ronnie. Augie plants the idea that if dad acts like he likes Ronnie, it’ll turn Bella off to him. So Papa Bloom invites them out to lunch and starts slobbering all over Ronnie, praising his Medal of Valour and gang task force work. Bella is suspicious. By the end of lunch, Ronnie and Papa Bloom are laughing like old friends and Bella is drinking a lot of tequila. Snerk. I like tequila too, Bella! She finally calls her dad on his behavior and leaves in disappointment.
Beach. Cyrus is in search of his unreliable drug-addicted bums. One of them stole his bike. This subplot is dumb. The writers are very hit-and-miss with their subplots on this show.
Flower shop. Bella tells Ronnie about the bikers blocking her backdoor. He then buys some flowers, makes a comment about the bikers again, and then tells her to get up to code in her shop because the police are going to be sweeping across the city like a "big, blue wave." Bella goes to see the psychic to warn her about her shop getting up to code.
Bikers. Ike the Biker, the sweet old man leader of the biker gang, shows up to the flower shop sporting a big blue-and-black eye. Yikes. Bella confronts Ronnie about it, realizing that "bad boy" is now just a "bad boy with a badge" She figures out that Ronnie also beat up her landlord to keep him from raising the rent and is horrified. Poor Mr. Roper! Ronnie leaves.
The next day, Papa Bloom shows her how to arm her alarm system and wonders how he knew Ronnie was still a jackass. He asks her if she wants to know what he saw that night he busted her in the parking lot and she responds, "My Bell Biv Devoe pin?" Nice! Never trust a big butt and a smile, Bella. But the dad responds, "A punk who didn’t give a crap about [Bella]. And any kid that stupid ain’t never gonna wise up." Awww! Mr. Mathews! She then gives her dad a copy of her new keys.
Beach. Vivian is in a hoodie instead of a bikini and Augie wonders what’s up, as one of her students hugs the Note Girl. Awww. Way to respect the sisterhood, Vivian! We fade out on the Fearsome Foursome catching some rays.
Definitely stronger than last week, but not quite on par with the pilot. I hope it gets picked up because I see the potential, but it is dismaying the ratings are worse than Moonlight. I was a Moonlight fan, kids, and I miss Mick St. John and Logan Echolls. See you next week, though!