Last week, Amy proved her loyalty to Team Blue by voting off Coleen off The Biggest Loser: Families instead of Vile Vicky. This week, she’s rewarded for that loyalty, in just the way we all predicted. Oh, Amy!
I think this spoiler wants to projectile vomit right now...
We open the episode with Michelle and Renee bemoaning the loss of Coleen, and with everyone on the face of the planet predicting that Vicky will do everything in her power to kick Amy off, even though it was Amy’s vote that saved her. The only person who hasn’t caught on to that is Amy, who is apparently criminally naive and a lousy judge of character. Oh, Amy …. You’re so doomed.
But first, we have to make it through football week. A couple of NFL stars so big even I recognize them — Jerry Rice and Steve Young of the San Francisco 49ers — are on hand for the opening bit, where the players do football-style drills. Everyone goes all out — except Vicky, who is still working the game-play angle. She suspects that they might have to go through the drills again, so she holds back, practically bunnyhopping through the ropes course and ambling along through the sprint. Grrrr. Of course, she’s rewarded for her slacking — the real point of the challenge is to see who can improve their time the most. Since Vicky didn’t try the first time out, she easily wins most improved. Can’t we disqualify her on the grounds of her being evil?
The main challenge this week involves catching (or, more accurately, retrieving) footballs and running them down the field to another competitor’s holding pen. Once a competitor has 10 footballs in the pen, they’re out. Last person standing wins tickets to the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. Vicky tells us approximately 80,000 times that she’s a huge football fan. She tells her troops to take out Team Black first, which they do with alacrity. Michelle and Renee are getting very grumpy about this routine. Then the Blues turn on each other. Amy starts to exhibit a glimmer of sense — wait, is Vicky still a vindictive bitch mad at me? — but she suppresses that thought. Sigh. After Ed and Amy are knocked out, the two Malevolent Blue Belles go up against each other — and Heba rolls over for Vicky. Good lord, does the woman have blackmail pictures of everyone? What the hell?
Back at the house, the Losers encounter chef Rocco DiSpirito, who tells them how to make over Thanksgiving dinner into a much healthier meal. He does this by… well, by not making it Thanksgiving dinner anymore. I don’t know — it’s just not the same without a carved turkey. And apple crumble is fine, but it’s not apple pie. I’d be more inclined to lighten up the traditional dishes as much as I could (you don’t need THAT much butter in the stuffing, but you don’t need to eliminate it altogether…), and then try to eat smaller portions of the good stuff. But that’s just me, and I’m not competing on a show. What about you guys?
After dinner, everyone gets videos from home, which veer between touching and cloying. I know the competitors are missing their families and it’s emotional for them to see these pieces of home. But for those of us watching? Meh. It feels like filler.
Workouts and weigh-ins
Jillian is incensed that Team Blue is "bullying" her girls — she’s the only bully on this campus! Much as I like Michelle and Renee — and much as I HATE Vicky — I’m getting a little sick of the "bullying" complaints. It is indeed part of the game to pick off the people you’re not allied with, and yes, it’s still Blue vs. Black. Realize that it’s a fact of the game and get over it. Concentrate on kicking ass in the workouts and staying above the yellow line.
To their credit, that’s exactly what Jillian, Michelle and Renee do. Jillian is even more brutal than usual, and the Women in Black work their butts off. I hope it’s enough. Meanwhile, Bob has some concerns that Ed just isn’t doing enough — and is being a whiny, complaining brat. Shut it, Ed!
Before the weigh-in, Amy confesses that she’s never been below the yellow line. Hi, Amy? Are you familiar with foreshadowing? Well, you are now…
- Amy loses 5 pounds, or 2.89 percent
- Heba is down 7 pounds, or 3.03 percent
- Ed loses 9 pounds, or 3.44 percent
- Vicky loses 7 pounds, or 3.74 percent
That leaves the Women in Black, who are scared out of their minds. If either of them fall below the line, they’ll be torn asunder, ripped apart, their journey as a family will end… you get the picture.
- Renee loses 8 pounds, or 3.86 percent
- Michelle drops an amazing 10 pounds — 5.38 percent! Holy crap!
That means Heba and Amy are below the line. Amy has the lowest percentage, so if it’s a tie, she’s out — just like with Brady, two weeks ago. Remember Brady, Amy? Because Vicky sure does, and she cites Brady’s ouster as she votes for Amy. We TOLD you you should have gotten rid of her when you had the chance, Amy! Now Team Blue is officially Team EEEEEEEEEEVIL, and Amy is going home.
She’s missing out on the official makeover, but Amy stops off at a boutique at home and gets her own style renovation. She looks great. In the look at me now interview, she reveals she’s gone from a size 22 to a size 8. Good luck, Amy — I hope you win the at-home prize!
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
- How can Amy be so blind? Everyone — Bob, Heba, Vicky herself — says Vicky has it in for Amy. Amy is oblivious. Sigh.
- Amy finally starts waking up a bit during the challenge, when she sees Vicky targeting her bin instead of Ed or Heba’s. "There aren’t any alliances on the blue team that I know of…" she says slowly. Sigh.
- One of the perks of the football challenge was that if the competitors actually caught a ball as it was fired at them, they won $500. Ed was the only one to make a catch. Cue the heroic music as Ed says, "When that perfectly arched ball was coming into my hands, I just totally knew…" [insert record scratching cliché] "…that Heba had already spent that money as soon as it touched my hands." Oh, all right — hee!
- Bob starts getting really angry about Ed’s attitude. Jillian looks on with glee — "I love it when Bob gets pissed…"
- Michelle and Renee are open in their contempt towards Vicky. At the football-course challenge, when she posts the most improved time, Michelle snarks "Good job Vicky — way to trick us all!"
- Did anyone have a moment of massive cognitive dissonance when Jillian started talking about the "cultish mentality" that Bob fosters among his team? Please — we’re talking about he High Priestess of Those Who Have Been LEFT to ROT in the DESERT. Jillian is a total cult leader!
- Did anyone else get a little pissed at The Brats in Blue when they had no reaction at all — except despair — at Michelle’s stellar numbers? Couldn’t they have at least faked it a little? Jeez! I feel like normally Amy would have clapped for Michelle, but she was too busy crying her eyes out on Bob’s shoulder.
- In her post-game interview, we see Amy performing the national anthem for a hockey game. She sounds good – but it amuses me that they didn’t show the tricky "rocket’s red glare" bit. That part’s the killer!
Is anyone surprised by this week’s outcome? Can those who were surprised please see me for their Official Little Orphan Amy Cluelessness Club Decoder Ring? Who do you like out of the remaining players? Who do you hope wins it all? What kind of fate are you dreaming up for Vicky? Talk about it in the comments!