Urgent communique: Fulcrum managed to sneak into Miss Sarah J’s secret lair and install a signal-scrambler. While she gets that sorted out — and she’s high-kicked three ninjas already, so it shouldn’t be long — I’ll be your Chuck handler for the evening.
[These spoilers are AWESOME.]
We open on your typical jungle training camp, where a goateed John Casey is being beat up by… Dixon from Alias! Yes, Carl Lumbly is the official NSA kung-fu trainer, and he’s telling Casey that the latter’s lack of a calm center prevents him from succeeding. Cut to present day, where the only thing standing between Buster Bluth and a quick, painful death is Casey’s calm center.
But wait, adventure calls! The Global Launch Agency is the target of an unspecified threat, and seeing as they’re supplying the NSA’s satellite support, Team Carmichael is dispatched to the scene. Chuck, still recovering from ex-girlfriend Jill being a Fulcrum agent, gets to stay in the van, but even so, a ninja in white makes off with the MacGuffin… errrr, inertial guidance system. Casey catches up to the ninja, stabs him with a Buy More pen, and unmasks him. And yes, it’s Dixon, or rather, Ty Bennett.
Yep, Casey’s sensei has gone rogue and is recruiting his former students to sell weapons. Huh. That seems like he’s aiming low for such an awe-inspiring figure, but who am I to question another man’s happiness? Ty is going to sell the MacGuffin, and the general wants Chuck out of harm’s way, so Sarah and Casey go alone. No points for guessing Ty shows up at Buy More to find Casey even after… laying a trap for Casey… at the supposed buy. I don’t get his logic. Seriously, dude even congratulates Casey later at escaping the trap. All I can guess is that it was laid for generic law-enforcement agents.
Chuck follows Ty out of the Buy More and is promptly captured. Sigh. He’d managed to get a message to Casey, who decides to play chicken with his former mentor before Sarah figures out Chuck is in the trunk of Ty’s car. Both Ty and Casey chicken out, actually, and Casey chases Ty while Sarah frees the Intersect. One half-hearted recruiting attempt later, Ty escapes Casey.
Casey gets yanked from the case, but tricks Chuck by talking about his feelings. Ha! Chuck rushes over for, I assume, a pedicure and pint of Ben & Jerry’s, but Casey instead manhandles him into flashing on Ty’s address and unlocking the armory, then handcuffs him to the yogurt-store counter upstairs. Chuck uses a spoon-chain to retrieve his phone and calls Sarah with the 411, then uses liquid nitrogen to break the cuffs.
This time it’s all three members of Team Carmichael who are captured. Casey wants to be dispatched with honor, and Ty obliges. During a break in the savage beating, Chuck rushes to Casey’s side and starts yammering about his feelings, ending with a declaration of love. Unleash the Casey! His calm center broken, Casey hulks out and beats the Rambaldi out of Ty. The FBI storm in and arrest Ty and his Cobra Kais. Better yet, as they return home, Casey quietly thanks Chuck.
The Awesomes have arrived! They flew in from Connecticut after missing Thanksgiving! Ellie’s very stressed! And, yes, the Awesomes are Bruce Boxleitner (Woody) and Morgan Fairchild (Honey). Honey has planned Ellie’s wedding to the smallest detail, no matter what the bride-to-be thinks. Not awesome.
Sure enough, Ellie snaps at the food tasting after Woody says he’ll walk her down the aisle. The Awesomes retreat to Connecticut, and Ellie tells Chuck she always wanted their mysteriously absent father to escort her. Chuck vows to use his smarts (and, no doubt, the government’s resources) to find their father. Any bets on whether he’s, oh, the head of Fulcrum?
The Buy Morons
Buster institutes an employee-of-the-month contest. Hilarity ensues.
What, you want more? There isn’t much. Morgan, Jeff and Lester vow to score lowest on customer satisfaction, which makes for some amusement. Then Buster says the lowest-scoring Moron has to close the store for a month of Saturdays. Our guys kick into gear, but the thin afro guy (Skip Johnson) wins… and also scores a sweet flat-screen television. Wah-wah-wahhhhh.
Highlights, thoughts, odds and ends:
- Ellie on Devon’s parents: "The awesome apple doesn’t fall far from the awesome tree."
- Chuck, on being manfully congratulated by Devon and Woody: "You’re very strong! And have fists!"
- Chuck, after using the liquid nitrogen on his cuffs: "Those seven years of MacGuyver finally paid off."
- Really sweet moment between Sarah and Chuck about the Jill situation. And hey, she admits to Casey that she "has feelings" for our hero!