Tonight on Desperate Housewives, we learned that it's like the more money we come across, the more problems we see. (Biggie was wise before his time, folks.) We also learned that not having money sucks, so…basically you're screwed either way. Awesome.
Lynette and Bree: What with all the arson accusations and cougar bribing going on, the Scavos find themselves a wee bit in the red, and Tom is forced to sell his classic car. Bree? Not so much broke. But hey, at least her fancy new car is a hybrid! In a move that seems a bit out of character for control freak Bree (but not for show-off Bree), she writes Lynette a check for $20,000. Wow. Lynette suggests that instead of a loan or gift, the money be an investment in Scavo's pizzeria. The partnership falls apart about as quickly as you'd expect, with Bree jumping into the kitchen and remaking pizzas at a book signing they throw her.
Cue a giant fight about Bree's success and Lynette's lack thereof, after which Lynette "accidentally" backs into Bree's new car (at the very least, I'm calling it a Freudian slip of the right foot). She gives Bree a check and promises to pay back her investment in full, and when Bree protests that she doesn't want money to get in the way of their friendship, Lynette confirms that it already has. So seriously, Bree didn't see this coming? And in a gesture that's sure to piss off no one, Bree tears up the check Lynette gave her once Lynette leaves. Sigh.
Susan: M.J., Susan and Mike's adorable yet vaguely creepy looking child (just me?), gets into a fancy private school. An expensive fancy private school. Mike doesn't think they can swing it, so you can imagine Susan's joy when she finds out he gave Katherine a pearl necklace. Cut to a classic Susan adventure in which she sneaks into Katherine's house to steal the necklace, hides under the bed, gets stuck, gets busted by a naked Katherine, grabs the necklace, and runs. Yeah, you kind of had to be there.
The upshot is that Katherine is also shocked Mike wouldn't pay for the tuition. Buuuut…the necklace is fake. So everyone's back to being mad at Susan, as usual. Thanks to some aggressive bullying on her part, though, the headmaster gives her a job as an art teacher's assistant so that M.J. can get a discount on his tuition. Yay!
Gaby: Carlos and Gaby are headed to a fancy restaurant for their anniversary, and Gaby will be wearing the dress she was wearing when Carlos proposed. Or rather, she would be if she could still fit into it. Apparently weight "redistributes" after you have children. Gaby signs up for Edie's crazy intense exercise boot camp, and yes, it's "a bit much" for her. But after Edie gives her an awesome smackdown, Gaby gets back in the game (and the dress), and tries to keep from turning back into the selfish, self-centered Gaby she used to be. Wonder how long that'll last.
Dave: Bob and Lee notice Dave acting oddly guilty about Tom's selling his car and the restaurant failing thanks to that whole arson accusation thing. Bob remembers that Dave was the only witness against Porter, but warns Lee not to tell Tom and Lynette because Dave's totally scary. Lee is physically incapable of zipping it, though, and tells Tom…who promptly goes to Dave's house and punches him in the face. Dave says that he's sorry, and when Tim goes in for another punch, Dave totally grabs him and pins him. Woah. Tom and Dave? No longer friends.
To cap off Dave's winning streak, when Edie asks him what's the biggest difference between married to his first wife and being married to her (never a good question, to be fair), Dave says that his marriage to Edie is more real. She's happy at first, until he clarifies that his first marriage was a fairy tale, but now he realizes that love is just temporary, and fairy tales end in death. CREEPY. Get out while you can, Edie!
Is Edie growing on you, too? Whose side are you on: Bree's or Lynette's?