Desperate Housewives continued its string of unexciting but inoffensive episodes tonight as the mystery inched its way along, becoming less mysterious and more of a slow march toward the inevitable climax. Surprise me, Marc Cherry!
Actually, it was "inoffensive" aside from the opening voiceover, which points out: "It's not hard to spot a mother who works outside of the home. Just look for a woman leaving her house who looks incredibly guilty." You know, I'm not loving the implied judgment on working moms there. At the very least, shouldn't both of the parents look guilty?
When Mike lets Katherine take over some of his parenting duties, Susan freaks out. And while she's a bit rude to Katherine at first and a bit psycho towards the end, I completely understand her insecurity. Blackjack! Brownies made from scratch! A wee little chef's hat! And to top it all off, MJ running away from home to eat one of Katherine's paninis. The sound of his adorable baby voice saying "provolone" just twists the knife. Maybe it isn't called for when Susan accuses Katherine of trying to dig her claws deeper into Mike by making her place like "Disneyland" for MJ, but I get where it's coming from, and I really feel for Susan when Katherine announces that Mike is moving in with her.
Tom Scavo may be the worst husband and dad ever. Seriously. I mean, I get that your dream business is in trouble, but using your kids as free labor? Is that even legal? And it goes even more poorly than you'd think, with Tom slamming Porter into a wall and shaking him violently when he refuses to wait a table with kids from his school. Much as I already disliked Tom, I never would've expected that from him. Nor would I have expected Lynette to make out with him afterwards, even if he did just agree to sell the restaurant.
Carlos's company won't be giving out any bonuses due to the economy, even though he's been working like crazy. But a little boss blackmail goes a long way, and Gaby is back in the diamond bracelets in no time. Takeaway lesson: If you're having an affair, don't make out with your mistress in a convertible downtown. Takeaway lesson #2: Don't then knock up your wife and let her ask your already-wavering blackmailers to be your baby's godparents based on their strong moral compasses. Carlos is totally going to crack.
When Orson finds out that Bree secretly gave Andrew a hefty (and apparently well-deserved) raise, he tricks his way into finding out Andrew's salary and then freaks out when he realizes that it's twice what he makes. Um, dude, Andrew's got company seniority, and your previous job experience drilling cavities and making license plates in prison probably doesn't apply to the catering biz. Just be happy that Bree let you whine your way into a job. Orson: "You're saying I'm worthless!" Bree: "No, I'm just saying you're worth…less." Ha!
Dave has been using Dr. Heller's phone to text updates in to the practice, which explains why no one has come looking for him. But it sounds like he's going to get busted soon, so he invites Mike and Katherine on a Camping Trip of Probable Doom, pressuring Edie into hiding from Katherine that she won't be coming. And yeah, the giant handgun Dave is packing probably pushes it over into a Camping Trip of Definite Doom.
How far over the line was Tom tonight? How about Gaby and Carlos?