There are twelve hopefuls left on Make Me A Supermodel. Twelve of them and my amazing ire makes a baker's dozen.
The show starts with yet another reality cliche: Tyson waking the house by banging a pot and yelling at them like a drill sergeant. From there, they load up on a military truck and head out to the USS New Jersey battleship for a photoshoot about "illicit erotic encounters". I'm sure the military is thrilled. The models are told that sex sells and they have to be able to deliver while not going into a porn-vibe. Oh, and they will be grouped in threes. Because menage a trois is not at all porn-like.
The photoshoot to capture all this illicit eroticism is about the least sexy thing I have seen on TV in weeks. It's awkward, passionless and forced. In fact, it made me not want to have sex by proxy. How could it be any other way when you have people like Branden involved, who said he was determined to stick his tongue down someone's throat? Which is also not the least bit sexy.
Out of all the unsexiness, however, a winner must be chosen and Jonathan is that winner. I'm sure it has nothing to do with his great physique and their need to line up models for a go see with an underwear company. Jonathan picks Gabe to go with him, but Jonathan is so hot he makes the casting director's palms sweat, so he easily books the gig. Meanwhile, Gabe makes off with the underwear they ask him to model, leaving his dirty drawers behind. Also, not sexy.
And then the show takes a horrible left turn. Cory arrives to measure the models and tells Salome that with a 36" bustline, she's not hirable and they'll have to hire someone to "help her" with that. I want to send her a box of chocolate bars, but the damage is done as she says she needs to lose "a lot of weight". From where, sweetheart? Your self-esteem? Thanks for encouraging eating disorders, Bravo!
The catwalk challenge is all about cross dressing. Well, that's what they say, but the guys look more like they are in neo-kilts, with the suit and vest tops, while the girls look no more groundbreaking than classic Yves Saint Laurent. It's yawn inducing. But we get another horrible left turn at the judging table. Perou looks at the photo of Mountaha having her breast groped by Gabriel and her thigh bitten by Sandhurst and tells her because she wasn't strong enough to be in control, they got a shot reminiscent of Jodi Foster in The Accused. Wow. Just wow. Someone slap him for me, please.
The end game gives us Kerryn – who has shown impressive improvements – as our winner, while CJ and her crappy attitude get sent packing. It seems clear that they are only keeping Gabriel around due to his budding showmance with Amanda. It also seems clear that said showmance turns sour next week. Ah, young love.
Thanks to the glaring missteps in the show tonight, I would feel remiss as a human being if I didn't at least touch upon some aspects of what was going on. So, without getting too preachy, here's some statistics:
- It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder — seven million women and one million men.
- The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 — 24 years old.
- 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.
- 17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.
- Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.
- Only 2% of rapists are convicted and imprisoned.