urx unit loader 'Smallville' and the John Schneider Variety Hour

Thanks to flashbacks, we get to remember what “Smallville” life was like with Johnathan and Martha Kent and Lionel Luther still around. Alas, the remaining 42-ish minutes didn’t live up to that level of expectations, though the night wasn’t a total loss… ish.

The Spoilers can’t do that on television.

Here I thought Tess was nothing more than a corporate gold digger, mooching off the sweet teat that is the Luthor empire. As it turns out, she really does care about the backstory that brought our boys together. She does discover (through a secret Lionel journal) that there was another child in the field that day… the wayward Davis Bloome. Of course, she plays dumb when Clark tries to pitch a Daily Planet exposé on the missing persons of Metropolis with a vigilante angle. This doesn’t stop her from trying to blow Davis to smithereens in the same field in which he was found, but of course that doesn’t work.

Meanwhile, Clark is doing his best to convince Chloe of Davis’ evil ways and (mostly) failing. Naturally, she doesn’t believe sweet little Davis could be capable of such the destructive personality. Then again, she did lose Jimmy. When they find out Davis became creamed corn, they return to the field with Clark finding skeletons abound buried amongst the stalks. What they don’t initially realize is that Davis is alive and well and being nursed by the same Tess that wanted nothing more of him. She knows about his killer instinct; his yang to Clark’s ying.

Flashbacks abound show what we’ve already seen: Jonathan and Martha being found by the littlest Kent, Lionel discovering his boy will never have a lush head of hair… and then there’s Davis being taken away by armed guards in a spiffy steel cage. He later has playtime with Lex, only to fall over when the littlest Luthor shows off a nifty green rock. It’s during this daydream that it dawns on Davis the only way out is to douse himself in Kryptonite. Tess tries to harness the raw Davis evil, only to meet a lamp and end table with concussive results.

Clark visits Tess in the hospital where she admits Lionel and Lex were too blind to see that they would never be the worthiest adversaries to our Red/Blue blur… only Davis could bring Kal-El down permanently. To his credit, Clark AND Davis both try to do the right thing: Clark attempts to help Davis with his problem while Davis tries to recruit Chloe to be his Jack Kevorkian. Clark later finds the blueprints for the meteor rock containment unit where he arrives in time to keep Chloe from exposing Davis to enough Kryptonite to kill a regular person.


Of course, the issue of Chloe not wanting to kill Davis becomes moot when he begins his transformation. Once she pulls the lever, Davis becomes the latest contestant of Slime Time Live, ultimately succumbing to the overdose of Nickelodeon-inspired torture. Before the death rattle, he and Chloe share an awesome Kirk/Spock-in-Wrath of Kahn moment.

The next day, Tess more or less tells Clark he’ll never be a man until he finds something more challenging than the villain-of-the-week. Good thing she still has the orb for whatever nefarious reasons she might have. Meanwhile, Chloe returns home to find (surprise, surprise) Davis lurking in the basement. Seems bathing in liquid Kryptonite only made him immortal. If only Chloe would agree to be with him, he’d then never have the need to kill again. Chloe realizes that she indeed does have quite the calming effect on people, locking the door behind her. Way to take one for the team, Sullivan!

In three weeks, we’re back with a Lois-centric story… feel free to change the channel.