Surprise, surprise: we open this week’s "America's Next Top Model" with a rehash of elimination (come on, it’s the most exciting thing that’s happened all season). Tahlia is still complaining, only this time it’s about how Celia humiliated her in front of the judges and she is so going to give her a piece of her mind … you know, like, later.
Oh, unless Aminat — who clearly does not see the irony — wants to go and do her speaking for her.
Aminat is someone I really liked until tonight. But her vitriol for Allison and Natalie was just stupid. (Did you hear that, Aminat? STUPID. Stupidstupidstupid. S-T-U-P-I-D. Yeah, like that.)
What is awesome is Tahlia’s impassioned Hallmark card speech about How She Really Belongs Here, Darn It. Allison refers to it as “Chicken Soup for the Teenaged Soul” and Natalie offers a golf clap. Brilliant, ladies.
Alas, they can’t bitch at each other endlessly. There are modeling lessons to be learned. The girls work on giving good face, and have to match their expression to some of Tyra’s poses. Tahlia skips around the studio because she’s teacher’s pet now and it’s sort of annoying. Natalie wins.
Back at home Tahlia “confronts” Celia by sitting down next to her and chomping on food. This girl must be a card-carrying member of the passive aggressive society. However, the two actually have a mature conversation about the drama and Tahlia handles herself well. The camera lingers on her burn scars, which is unnecessary and stupid (just ask Aminat).
The photo shoot is cool: the girls are splashed with powder and bright makeup in a single color, then they must emote that color for the camera.
Prepping for panel, Celia wears the outfit she would like to be buried in. Cute.
At elimination, Tyra asks Tahlia how she is feeling. Tahlia stumbles through an answer. If any model had been this wishy washy in previous seasons, Tyra would’ve sent her to the guillotine. Instead, she clucks and nods sympathetically.
No such luck for Celia. Whatever the opposite of smiling with your eyes is, that’s what Tyra is giving Celia.
Fo is called first. Her color was red and she was on fy-uh: great photo. Teyona is a surprising second — pretty photo, but her shoot was painful. Tahlia is third, then Aminat, Allison, Natalie and London. Which leaves Sandra and Celia.
Sandra gets called out for only knowing how to pose in profile. Tyra actually refers to her as a “lovely girl,” which caused this recapper to do a double take.
Celia gets beaten with the Tyra stick, which we all saw coming, and in truth it could have been worse. Alas, the picture tells the final tale. It’s Celia for the win. Bye bye, Sandra.
The photos were lovely, even the worst of them. Fo was fo-roshe. Tahlia was alluring. Aminat looked her best so far.
Aminat’s freak out. Tacky and juvenile.
Honorable mention must go to Sandra. I had such high hopes for this one: she’s gorgeous. But as soon as she opens her mouth she is exposed for the arrogant meanie she is. So as much as I will miss quotes such as her parting one — “I’m the best out of all the girls, they’re crazy to send me home” — I will also say: good riddance.
The Pretty Ugly
Of London’s photo, Paulina said “It looks like she vomited blue and then died.” I love you, Paulina.
Oh, Tyra, Please.
In her speech to Celia, Tyra says that her throwing Tahlia under the bus was “one of the most non-beautiful things that they have ever seen in the history of America’s Next Top Model.”
Does Tyra even watch this show? Because: not by a long shot, honey.
You all secretly wanted Celia to win that smackdown by 56%. If only you Tahlia supporters (26%) and Tyra supporters (18%) had combined forces….
Instead of me snarking on the gals, why don't you tell me who can't get off your TV screen fast enough. Write-in candidates welcome.