This week’s party is a total experiment

because we’ve never thrown a party for someone with dissociative identity

disorder. Do we need to send each personality an invitation separately, or will

they all get some sort of internal memo? If you watch United States of Tara Sundays on Showtime, you might think individual invites, but frankly, it’s all

a mystery. One thing’s for certain: When you have an actress as talented and

quirky as Toni Collette as Tara, anything is possible. It’s sort of like Anne

Heche during a speed-dating event. Yep, a veritable box of chocolates.


Setting the scene:

You’ll need the whole house to appreciate

the many lives of Tara (and Alice and Buck and T and, now, Gimme). In the

kitchen embrace Alice and go with all things Betty Crocker: aprons, Gloveables, flower arrangements, muffins in the oven, etc. In the

living room, things can stay fairly normal in a nod to Tara. But one bedroom

must belong to T, and here you need to sex things up like a rabid teenager

looking for love. Hang thongs from the ceiling and

have cheap plastic sunglasses, lip gloss and zebra-print bras available to all

guests looking to channel their inner teen. Temporary tattoos are also a good choice. As for Buck, we’ve relegated him to the mudroom. Have plaid flannel shirts with the

sleeves torn off, oversized glasses, trucker hats and work

boots scattered about, along with a poster of Pam Anderson and

used targets from shooting practice. And in honor of Gimme,

our favorite id-driven, middle-of-the-night visitor, have ponchos and any number of books on

housebreaking lying around.



You can encourage guests to come as their

favorite version of Tara or make suggestions based on their personalities by

sending invitations featuring photos of

the Tara you suggest.


On the menu:

Let’s have Alice cook and feature a traditional

family meal with all the fixin’s — turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green

beans, corn muffins and warm apple pie. Have plenty of Budweiser in the fridge in case Buck shows up. Just make sure to keep it

away from Gimme, if you get our drift.


On the hi-fi:

“You’ll Be Fine” by Tim DeLaughter,”Lucky”

by Kat Edmonson, “Straight Lines” by Dawn Landes, “Souljacker Part 1” by Eels.


The showstopper:

You probably live on a quiet street in a

respectable neighborhood, so why not do something a little out of character and

embrace your inner Buck by purchasing a lovely used Peterbilt tractor-trailer and parking it in the front yard during the party? Every

now and then run out and blast the air horn. Invite the neighbors to the party,

or you’ll get calls.