Yeah, yeah, we had a nasty bendy corpse in a barrel of wine, but who cares — this is the episode of “Bones” where Brennan asks Booth to be her baby daddy! Plus, a whole lot that has been going on starts to make sense, and the last scenes are absolutely fantastic. Well done, Bones!
Let’s quickly get through the ick so we can get to the good stuff: The body of Spencer Holt, a respected wine critic, was found in a barrel of cabernet. The wine turned to vinegar, which made the bones all bendy. The bones are also irrevocably stained the color of my living room walls. Or are they? GothGuy NotZack applies 781 tablets of denture cleaner, and just like that, the stains are gone! Boy, they missed out on a product-placement opportunity there…
- The bones have been steeping in barrel for about 8 months
- There are cracked ribs and a head wound
- The rib fractures suggest he was stabbed
- There’s evidence of a facial injury within a month of death
- Sean Mortenson, the owner of the winery. Nope, Spencer, a notoriously tough critic, loved his wine.
- Spencer’s wife — there was a domestic dispute call a month before the death.
- Charlie Dunwood, owner of the winery next door to Mortenson’s. Nope, Spencer understood me — I’m producing the equivalent of Two-Buck Chuck, and that’s all I want. But Spencer broke up a fight between Dunwood and Mortenson the month before he died — that’s where the recent facial wound came from — and rumor was Spencer was sleeping with Mrs. Mortenson.
- Mortenson again — his child is not his child, it’s Spencer’s child.
- Spenser’s wife again — hello, her husband fathered a child with another woman while she was pregnant!
The evidence from the bones suggests Spencer was wounded by a cylindrical object about 9 inches in circumference — say, about wine bottle size. Aha! He must have been bludgeoned by a bottle of Mortenson’s wine, and when the bottle broke, he was stabbed! But Hodgins and NotZack’s experiment with wine bottles and watermelon proves that Mortenson’s bottles wouldn’t break on contact with a head. Ah, but counterfeit bottles found in Dunwood’s winery would — he’d been selling bogus versions of Mortenson’s high-priced wine, and Stanley was going to tell on him.
Booth and Brennan and… babies?
A word association game with Sweets makes Brennan realize she wants a baby — and she wants Booth to donate the sperm. You’re under no obligation and need have no contact with the child, she assures him. Booth is reluctant, but when Brennan ponders going to GothGuy NotZack for genetic material, he relents.
But a strange thing happens when he goes to the doctor to make his deposit — Stewie, the fiendish baby from “Family Guy,” appears on the TV and starts taunting him — even after Booth had unplugged the set. Curious. Booth asks Sweets if it’s normal for him to be anxious and imagine baby things. Of course! Sweets says. You left out the part about visual and aural hallucinations, Booth…
We continue to dance around the topic: Brennan is oblivious and matter of fact, refusing to believe or acknowledge that there’s any emotional component to this request, or that there’s any emotional connection between the two. Booth is obviously wigged, but he wants to make Brennan happy. The fact that Brennan says complimentary things about his character (although she says she’s just stating facts) makes it hard for Booth to refuse.
Booth hallucinates Stewie during the final interrogation, and realizes that if he can’t be involved, he doesn’t want Brennan to have the baby. Great! A breakthrough! But he was talking to Stewie out loud, while Brennan and Dunwood watched. Brennan drags him out of the room and gets him to spill what he’s been seeing. That’s the third hallucination you’ve had, she says. “Trust me, something is wrong. Trust me!” Anyone else, and Booth probably wouldn’t have gone to the hospital — he’s too tough, and he doesn’t want to know. But when Brennan says trust me, full of urgency and fear, looking right into his eyes… well, of course he goes.
Booth has a benign brain tumor. That’s why he saw Luc Robitaille during the hockey episode; that’s why he saw his dead friend in the gravedigger episode, that’s why he’s been talking to Stewie. They’re going to operate immediately. And oh, the last scene — Booth is in his hospital bed, doctors and nurses flitting around him, and he’s surreptitiously looking around, trying to make sure he’s not alone. He’s a big guy, but the look on his face is pure child — scared, anxious, and longing for the one person who can make it all better. When he catches sight or Brennan, he breaks into a grin, and she smiles back — for a moment. Then the seriousness gets to her and her smile dies. So does Booth’s. He asks her to be in the operating room while they perform the surgery — he doesn’t say it, but it’s only when she’s there does he feel safe. She agrees. And right before they wheel him in, Booth tells her that if anything happens to him, she should have his sperm — “for our kid. You’re going to be a really good mom.”
Other bits, thoughts, and odds and ends
- David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel knocked it out of the park tonight. That last scene was outstanding.
- I’m so glad they made sense of all of Booth’s visions and visitations! Sneaky, sneaky show!
- In fact, the performances were good enough that I can ALMOST overlook one glaring inconsistency. Remember the pregnancy-pact episode, where Booth took the baby daddy aside and told him that even though he didn’t intend it, and even though the girls say they don’t want it, he IS involved and he IS responsible for those kids, the fruit of his loins. So how could he have thought it would be any different for him? Of course he can’t just donate swimmers and leave — he’s built for fatherhood and responsibility. He can’t have it any other way.
- The lab rats react with shock when Brennan blithely informs them — over gelatinous bones and assorted ick — that she’s going to have a baby. With Booth. Tra la la! They spend the rest of the episode trying to wrap their heads around it.
- GothGuy NotZack is the only one not gobsmacked. In fact, he offers his sperm — he donates once a week, he’s intelligent, genetically healthy… “in fact, I’m quite a catch.” Brennan declines — she’s set on Booth. For strictly rational, platonic reasons, she assures Angela. Yeah, right, Angela replies.
- While waiting for Booth’s surgery, Hodgins sidles up to Angela. Fragility of life, anything can happen. blah blah blah– basically, you want to get back together? Oh, how I wish I cared.