We join our “I’m a Celebrity” contestants with the ongoing scandal I like to call “Granolagate.” Hilariously, they interview Stephen Baldwin about the wrapper found in the bushes and some very Usual Suspect-y music plays in the background. And like that… he is GONE! No, he’s still there. And he suspects Janice.
No, seriously, if you’ve never seen Usual Suspects… run, don’t walk to the video store or Netflix queue because it’s a phenomenal movie.
Anyway, back at camp the Baldwins lay it on pretty thick with Janice but I just don’t feel that bad for her. She pees on the floor, she washed dishes with her SPIT, she stole food and then lied about it. Janice sucks as a person and all you can do is laugh at her, much like Stephen and Daniel are doing right now.
GIANT SPIDER! Oh my god, that thing would eat me alive then suck the marrow from my bones and then use my bones to floss. Yikes. Sanjaya shows us his bug-bitten back and it’s gross. Like, measles gross. Everybody is pretty miserable with the bug situation and I’ll be honest, so far a lot of the stuff they are “enduring” is really no big deal but the bug situation is pretty horrible. Stephen and Sanjaya regale us with the Citronella Opera and it’s not half bad.
Food Challenge. It’s Sanjaya vs Holly in a high-wire grocery shopping challenge. The person who gets the most groceries in 3 minutes wins Mexican food. If you fall off, you’re done. Sanjaya collects 9 pieces, it’s very good. Holly goes out and doesn’t have the reach to get the groceries right off, so she starts kicking them to get them to swing back towards her. It’s really clever, but she only collects 5 pieces. You know, it really wasn’t fair because Sanjaya could reach the good easily and Holly could not. Oh well.
Make Celebs More Human Montage. They sit around and talk about their “big break.” Torrie moved from Idaho to LA and got “discovered” at a wrestling match. Huh. Cool. Janice takes over and, according to the editing, she talks about her “big break” for upwards of 352 minutes. Holly shares about her step-brother being killed in Iraq and then following her sister to LA. Patti starts crying and I fight the urge to bloop-bloop-bloop my TIVO. Yeah, they’re whole life has been destroyed but whose fault is that? Lou Diamond reassures her that people who read the headlines don’t actually know her. Hmm. I suppose that’s true, but still.
Just as an aside, I want Lou Diamond Phillips to be my BFF. He’s awesome. Janice tries to make Patti feel better and Patti cuts that off at the knees, which makes Janice mad. I mean, I guess she’s trying to reach out? But yeah… Janice Dickinson isn’t necessarily who I’d want to make me feel better.
Romance Montage. Apparently Sanjaya and Holly are hitting it off and Janice, in her junior high-like infinite wisdom, starts tee-heeing about it all over camp. The production crew practically starts playing the theme from “A Summer Place.” Squee!
Taste of Home Time. Lou, Daniel and Patti get their messages from home. Patti talks to her family and the girls are just adorable, it actually warms my cold, black heart. Her younger daughter asks if she made knew friends and I actually tear up a little. I hate when reality TV makes me sniffle.
Daniel then talks to his wife. She can’t possibly be 8 months pregnant (like we were told last night) but she is pretty far along. There’s also a toddler in the family, awwww. Lou then talks to his wife and baby. Too many cute babies! I can’t take this, y’all.
Elimination Time. The hosts reveal that Sanjaya, Torrie, Holly, Stephen and Janice are safe, which means Daniel, John and Patti are bottom 3. I hope it’s Patti. She seems like a nice lady, but I’m tired of her schtick. Also, I like Daniel and John. I’m pretty bummed Janice is safe, but I suppose if the Pratts and then Janice were gone I wouldn’t have anything funny to say, so…
Mexican Food Time. The guys pig out and Janice bitches about how full their meal was. Apparently hotdogs and potato chips were not good enough for her. I also don’t remember her being particularly nice when it was her time to eat, so put a sock in it, Janice.
Before the elimination, the group sits around and has some mutual admiration for each other, sharing favorite moments and whatnot. It’s amusing, particularly John telling Holly how she won them over, despite being Heidi’s sister. Sanjaya starts crying when he tells Lou Diamond about what a great father-figure he is. Awww.
Elimination. Out of Patti, John and Daniel, it is Daniel Baldwin. Aww man, he’s a kick. That’s a bummer. Plus we get another week of Blago sob stories. Blech. The hosts then open the phone lines for the next food challenge vote. We get to vote on who competes in a challenge tha tinvolves crawling through dark tunnels to collect stars. Oh, and… Janice is still exempt due to “medical reasons.” [eye roll] Why is she even HERE?
We end on a montage of Daniel Baldwin set to some sappy music, with the hosts reminding us that he is saying goodbye “forever.” Oh my god, it’s not like he’s going to be killed. Let’s not act like this is more than it is.
Did the right person go home, guys? What do you think?