Tonight was the second part of 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' reunion, and if you thought Teresa losing her mind at the last supper was something, wait until you hear what Caroline did.
Andy starts off by asking Dina about her bitchiness, which she denies by saying she just has "real issues". Perhaps it's just because I, like most Americans, am not living any sort of "Real Housewife' lifestyle…but I am willing to trade my "real issues" for hers. Any day. Please? We also earn that her hairless cat "Grandma Wrinkles" smells like french fries and that the assistant she interviewed as if she were Mrs. Robinson is actually someone she's known since he was 9. And I think that actually makes it much, much creepier.
Andy then asks Danielle if she had a relationship with Don Johnson. She attempts to act demure and says "Yes, many years ago. Andy then hits her with the fact that Don apparently said something like 'there were a lot of guys with beards and Ferraris' and she backpedals to say they didn't have a relationship but they made out once. He then broaches the phone sex issue and if she regrets her girls knowing that. She scoffs that her children aren't babies anymore and she is very open with them. Yet, when he asks if she would be comfortable with them having phone sex she says "They don't even know what that is". Keep in mind, one of her girls is over 15 years old.
Danielle goes on to tearfully say she was terribly hurt by how Jacqueline said she had the reputation of being a husband stealer. Jacqueline tries to say it was something she heard from someone from Danielle's neighborhood and that she hadn't been "Dina-ized", but Dina interrupts to finish her statement for her. Which is more than a little funny, really. Danielle then breaks out her attempt at a pious expression and says she learned a lot watching herself and didn't like how she looked or sounded.
Which is when Andy breaks into her past and things get really amusing. It's Bravo, the schadenfreude network! He says the book alleged that she was in a relationship with a columbian drug lord, was a prostitute, a raging nymphomaniac – and she interrupts to say she's not going to talk about any of that. When he finishes with the final charge of her being a pathological liar however, she pauses and changes her mind.
On the drug lord issue, she says we'll have to wait for her book. She says she was never a paid escort, but is something of a nympho. She plead guilty to accessory to kidnapping and other charges totaling 17, but says it was just part of a plea bargain. She claims she was never a stripper, but was a burlesque, gogo and pole dancer who always remained clothed. She also denies having had a serious cocaine problem, dropping it to a pot addiction instead.
And then she turns on the tears, saying that she was born to a 15 year old immigrant from Italy, adopted out to an abusive family where she was raped at age 8 and left home at a young age. From there, she married an abuser who beat her relentlessly. She says that it is this past that made her say "some wrong things", but quickly adds "I can't apologize for what was done to me" and that the Manzos should count their blessings to have such a great family.
If her past as she portrays it is true, I can agree that it's a tragedy and a terrible thing to endure. But I don't think that gives her a free pass to be a jerk for the rest of her life. And I'm pretty sure Caroline agrees with me. As she says, she disliked Danielle before the book for her campaign against Dina and she liked her even less after the book because she felt she might be a risk to the safety of her family. From there it breaks down as they rehash who said what first and cover no new ground, even though it's cealr something new did happen.
Whatever it is it's so bad that Caroline completely breaks down when Dina says that if Danielle's change in demeanor lasts she will let bygones be bygones. Caroline sobs that she will never forget or forgive what Danielle did. So, it's extra maddening that she won't say what it was, but all the Manzo women look down as Danielle mournfully says she has no idea what Caroline is talking about.
Highlights & Lowlights
Dina inviting the gas station attendant to her wedding to get back at her husband's exploding guest list hitting the 750 mark.
That "gucci model" didn't stand Danielle up, he was scared of cameras. Do you believe it?
Andy asking the Manzos "What is it about this stray that got your antennas up?" in regards to Danielle.
Danielle saying her fans are "like an aphrodisiac", proving her neediness.
What did you think of the New Jersey housewives? Are you aching for a second season or do you just want them to go the way of big hair and disappear?