Danbarbour_isurvivedajapanesegameshow_s2_290I Survived a Japanese Game Show” is a lot like a horror movie: the virgin always outlasts those engaged in heavy petting. With the Red Robots’ love connection gone, only Justin and Dan remain as this week begins. So, naturally, it’s time to switch up the teams again to even the sides up. Absolutely no one on the Green Tigers wants to go over, except for Megan who senses a strategic opportunity at hand. Strategy? Planning? A Japanese game show contestant craves not these things. And Dan and Justin crave not Megan on their team. Lotta love at the outset of the show.

First Game: “Sour Milk for Kitty!”

The gist? Dressed as cats, the contestants have giant milk bowls strapped to their heads. They stand on a vibrating staircase, atop which is a bowl of sour milk. The player at the top ladles the milk into their bowl, then leans back to pass it down to the other players. The last player in line dumps the remaining milk into a jug on the floor. In no way will this game make me not ill.

The outcome? As predicted, I can barely look as curdled milk sprays all over the contestants, the studio, and my soul. The camera pointing upwards at the vibrating crotches of the players through the glass floor? Not helping either! If you want to know the winner of the game, remember that Cathy is still on the Green Tigers, and her winning streak currently rivals Joe DiMaggio’s hitting streak at this point.

Choice quote? “I honestly don’t understand why I keep getting stuck with these loud, annoying individuals.” Dan, the librarian who seeks quiet as much as he doesn’t seek the company of the opposite sex.

No rest for the wicked. Or the wickedly covered in weeks-old milk. Directly onto the next game! No weird costumes for this one, although at this point the contestants have looked so stupid for so long that I doubt anything could phase them at this point.

Second Game: “Big Foot Bang Bang!”

The gist? OK, I lied about the costumes. One team wears fruit costumes and configure themselves thusly: one person pushing oversized balls onto a makeshift soccer field, one player sitting in a swing, and the third pushing the player on the swing into the balls to try and score. The other team dresses one player in a cactus outfit, hung to a mechanical lever attached to the top goalpost. The other two players manipulate the cactus goal using levers on each side of the goal. This paragraph was brought to you by the English degree that cost my parents six figures. You’re welcome.

The outcome? The Green Tigers’ advantage for winning the first game? A free kick. But they blow their opportunity. Not that it matters, since Cathy is the one kicking, and knocks the next 3,000 balls in consecutively. PelĂ©, eat your freakin’ heart out. Why didn’t the game end when it was 3-2? Because ABC needs to fill an hour of summer television, that’s why.

Choice quote? “It is just…a pop fest,” Dan. How would HE know? (Too mean? Oh well.)

As a reward, the Green Tigers get to spend a day at a samurai festival. It’s eighteen shades of freakin’ AWESOME, and approximately a thousand times cooler you’re your typical Renaissance faire. Huzzah! It culminates with the team participating in a parade wearing authentic gear. Like Liz Lemon, I want to go to there. The Red Robots spend the day cutting down bamboo into chopsticks. Cutting the bamboo? Not so hard. Carrying it? Pain in the bootay. Widdling it down to chopsticks? Even less fun.

When it comes down to elimination game time, it’s a 3-way stalemate in terms of deciding who goes in for the Red Robots. Megan’s strategy actually works, as the Green Tigers refuse to send her into the final game when breaking the tie. Wow, Megan’s apparently the frizzy-haired Jedi Knight of “I Survived a Japanese Game Show.” Which makes Dan Jar Jar, I guess. Jar Jar The Librarian and Justin strap on Velcro-laden suits and get ready to rumble.

Elimination Game:
“You Look Funny Stuck on Wall!”

The gist? The players jump onto a trampoline and try to land inside what look like chalk outlines from a murder scene. I’m serious. They look like chalk outlines from a murder scene. The player that can best mimic their own fake death four times wins. Why four? Because five would be too morbid. Clearly.

The outcome? Making the case against home schooling, Dan reveals that he’s never been on a trampoline before. Wow. After a few failed jumps, he starts to get the hang of things. But it’s not enough to make up the difference, as Justin wins his first elimination challenge, 4-1. Bye bye, Dan. Shrewsbury, MA turns its lonely eyes to you.

Choice quote? “I did a sticky wall in summer camp. I’m good,” Justin. Words fail.

Is Cathy still the clear favorite? Or have Megan’s machinations put her in the driver’s seat? Leave your thoughts below!


Zap2it presents Greatest TV Characters