Tonight on "America's Got Talent," Sharon picks a cute dog over a gorgeous hunk of a man. In other news, hell freezes over.
You know, I really don't care that much about who advances tonight as long as The Fab 5 and Charles DeWayne make it. I'd like to see Beale Street Flippers get another shot to put together a really good routine, but I won't cry about it if they don't.
I'm excited that Penn & Teller are performing, I like them. There is also LMFAO. Who is that? Does that stand for what I think it stands for, like IM-speak?
We have to sit through a video recap of last night. I agree with my intelligent commenters that the middle Tenor will help them get through. He looks like a Ken Doll, except his eyes are a little too close together. So maybe an inbred Ken Doll.
We get right to some results. Beale Street Flippers vs The Fab 5. Well, that's a shame about Beale Street. There's no way the Fab 5 didn't advance. And then, yes, Beale Street is going home. Bummer.
LMFAO is next. I could not care less about this. Who are these people? I am not entertained. Does that make me old and uncool? I have one thing to say to that, "Get off my lawn!" [shakes cane] It's really too bad the judges can't buzz the guest-stars. I mean, they're dressed like, I don't know, Poison and Michael Jackson and Wham! with Fly Girls as back-up dancers.
We have to check in with the not-at-all forced partying in the Orville Lounge from last night. It's about as exciting as it sounds.
**Commercial Update: you know, "Shorts" just does not look very good, but every time the fat little baby in the pink hat gets to be the smartest person and teleconnects with the boys' minds, I giggle. Also, the Verizon commercial where the dad is Tweeting that he's on the patio and the son is exasperated and then the dad cackles? That makes me laugh pretty hard.**
Our next group is Carol Loo, Eleisha Miller and Voices of Glory. Eleisha Miller, during Nick's recap of the judges comments, looks like she's ready to fly off the stage and stab Piers Morgan with a barrett. We all know who's going through, right? The cute singer kids with the sick mom are a shoo-in for Top 5. First Nick eliminates Carol Loo (sporting some crazy gray-haired extensions, I did not notice those last night) and then Eleisha Miller. Eleisha is totally classy, she hugs the VoG kids and is super-nice and happy. I love good sportsmanship, that's great.
The next pairing is Texas Tenors and Pete Peterkin. Well, thank God Pete Peterkin is leaving. I can't sit through any more of his bad Obama stuff. But if the Texas Tenors keep slaughtering songs (even songs that make me want to jam sticks in my eyeballs), I just can't take that either. Bah. I liked Beale Street better than either of these two acts.
Penn and Teller time! They are sawing a woman in half tonight. I mean, I guess that's cool but I expect more from them. That's the oldest trick in the book. How will they change it? They decide to reveal the trick to us then they fake that they actually sawed her in half and there's blood. It's pretty good, I was tricked, I'll admit.
The next trio of acts is SQ Entertainment, Alizma and Paradizo Dance. Well, it has to be one of the dance groups, right? I'm sorry, but what is so great at Paradizo Dance? The guy is not lithe enough to do anything special. It's just a pretty dancing girl and a fat guy in spandex. Bah. The first act eliminated is Alizma. Duh. Then SQ is eliminated. That's a bummer.
The final two tonight are Charles DeWayne and Rockin' Rory. Man, that sucks. I'd take another Rockin' Rory routine over the Texas Tenors or Paradizo Dance. And how do you say no to a cute dog? But Charles was better than Rory last night. Sharon asks for more time to decide, so they move on to The Hoff, who votes for Rockin' Rory. Piers says that Charles DeWayne not going through would be a huge scandal, so he votes for Charles. Sharon then hems and haws as we creep towards the end of the hour. She finally votes for… Rockin' Rory. WOW, Sharon. Wow.
I am surprised again this week, but it just goes to show you that you can't trust America's judgment. Interestingly, none of the Wild Cards have advanced so far. See you guys back here next week!
Follow Zap2It on Twitter for all your movies, TV and celebrity news
Also check out Small Screen Scoop — Andrea's other TV stomping ground