Ghosts are people, too. And so it really irks us when they are shamelessly exploited for the American public’s entertainment. Actually, that’s not true: We don’t believe in ghosts. We do, however, believe in shows shot with night-vision cameras and a sense for the dramatic. That’s why we love Ghost Hunters Academy airing Wednesdays on Syfy. It’s as if they’ve combined the original Ghost Hunters with Road Rules. So if you thought your GPA was scary, wait until you see us party to Ghost Hunters Academy!
Setting the scene:
Aside from throwing this party in the dirt-floored basement of your great-grandmother’s Victorian mansion or in an abandoned asylum, we’re going to have to kitsch it up a bit to bring to the fore our two favorite things: ghosts and frat parties. So here’s what you do (assuming you can’t afford night-vision goggles for everyone): Decorate the room as though it were a college pep rally. Choose pennants and banners from various colleges (it might be nice to know the alma maters of your guests), and add stuffed mascots and any other paraphernalia you can think of to the mix to turn your home into either a frat house or a dorm room. Now things get tricky. Remove all the things you got, and lightly coat them in gray spray paint so it looks as if they’re covered in 80 years worth of dust. Cover everything you can. Next, get the lowest wattage light bulbs possible to keep things in the dark. Go to a consignment shop and buy an old lace dress to run across on a wire when things get slow.
Aside from their doughy appearance, Steve and Dave are known for their headwear – suggest black baseball hats or duckbill caps to guests, along with headlamps and digital cameras. Have a few T-shirts and hats from The Atlantic Paranormal Society around as party favors.
On the menu:
For no particular reason, we’re going with Chinese takeout. Why? Because we wonder why ghosts are never foreign. Surely an apparition from a foreign country has found its way here by boat or plane and is looking to spook the place up. Perhaps a little General Tso’s chicken will draw them out.
On the hi-fi:
Thriller by Michael Jackson, Walking With a Ghost by Tegan & Sara, Happy Phantom by Tori Amos, Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon, I’m a Ghost by Ted Leo & the Pharmacists.
Sure, anyone can place a human skull on top of a textbook and quote Hamlet, but not everyone can earn Paranormal Investigator Certification from Flamel College. For a mere $95, you’ll get certified and learn things the rest of us only wish we knew! The course also comes with a sophisticated electronic EMF meter used to detect ghosts!