If tonight’s “Gossip Girl” proves anything, it’s that there’s performance art, and then there’s performance art. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
There were also many lessons. And a big ol’ helping of Lady Gaga at the very end. Apparently getting her to perform is Blair’s way of getting in good with the snobby theater students. All I know is that I was impressed she didn’t trip on her dress.
On to the higher learnin’.
The third person is supposed to be a stranger: Just as predicted, the scandalous threesome between Dan, Olivia and Vanessa has bollixed up both a friendship and a relationship.
We start off with Dan swaggering down the street, bragging to Nate about his exploits (“Two girls, four boobs, one Dan Humphrey — how awesome am I?”), to which a horrified Nate asks him just how stupid he is — did he not get the memo about not having a threesome with your girlfriend and your friend? But Dan chooses to remain in dreamland — at first, anyway — even making plans with Vanessa to see Morrissey.
Which irks Olivia, who offered to help Dan with his application to the playwriting program at Tisch, but is thwarted by Dan’s plans with Vanessa. She ends up growing claws a little bit later, possibly due to exposure to Blair, and ruins the plans by volunteering herself and Dan for the fairty tale-themed cabaret night that Blair’s desperate to be involved in, even though she wasn’t invited. She lies and says she signed them up for it a month ago.
Dan goes to Vanessa with his idea about a “Snow White” musical featuring the songs of Tisch alumna Lady Gaga, blowing Olivia’s story. He gets Vanessa to direct, managing to enrage both Blair and Olivia in one shot. Rehearsal’s awful, the ladies are incredibly tense, and Olivia stalks off, prompting Blair to ask, “What’s going on? Did you bozos have a threesome or something?”
Olivia figures out that the real problem with the three of them is Dan, who hasn’t been able to face the fact that he has feelings for Vanessa. She leaves the show halfway through, forcing Vanessa to take over her role and kiss Dan, according to the script. Stop kidding yourself, she tells him, and later decides to take the movie. Vanessa, meanwhile, approaches the two of them wanting to talk, and assures Olivia she has no feelings for Dan. Which leaves him in a bit of a rough spot.
You can’t buy acceptance from snotty theater kids… or can you? Blair gets snubbed time and again by industry brats that it would feel really good to trip. They want to get Lady Gaga to perform, and completely blow off her suggestion that Cyrus Rose, her big-time entertainment lawyer stepfather, could call in a favor. In the end, though, our girl comes through, and there’s Miss Gaga in her dress with 30 feet of train that has to be flung around by an army of men, and she’s singing “Bad Romance.” Of course.
“Married” means stop: Serena turns up at work in the latest of an incredibly long line of inappropriate outfits for the office. Seriously, when you’re trying not to give in to temptation to fool around with your married boss, a backless minidress and truly hideous tights are not what you want to wear — I don’t care if it has long sleeves and “Dynasty” shoulder pads. But, to her credit, she’s trying to do the right thing and stay away from Trip until he moves to Washington, even though circumstance seems to keep throwing them together.
She turns to Nate for help, and like a trooper he keeps her company and keeps her busy to keep her away from Trip until he leaves. They go for a walk in the park. They get gelato. They get drunk. And Nate, who earlier lamented his lack of a girlfriend or a girl friend, confesses that he’s loved Serena. He moves in to kiss her, and up turns Trip, upset because he found out that Maureen’s the one who’s responsible for the Hudson River hoax. And he doesn’t want to be alone.
Nate tries to warn Serena off, stating the blatantly obvious, which is that Trip is married. If you go with him now you’re going to cross the line, he tells her. But the line just got a little blurry, says Serena, who seems utterly incapable of making a decent adult decision. Marital troubles aren’t the same as not being married, you daft cow. And put on a longer skirt.
It’s not easy being Queen: Jenny’s bored, and Lily’s trying to set her up with a date with an eligible young man for the horticultural society ball — and it’s the first time in my recollection I’ve ever heard the words “gonorrhea of the throat” used on early prime time TV.
Jenny ends up spending the day with Damien, the son of a high-rolling diplomat hotel guest that Chuck’s trying to get in good with. He’s cute, he’s originally from Brussels, and in the park the girls from another snooty prep school are watching jealously. Then he starts playing with the sailboats in the pond, which Jenny finds nerdy until she learns it’s a means for him to deal drugs.
Jenny continues on her way to joining the Serena School of Bad Decisions, going with Damien to a club/drug deal, and being the one to actually hand over the money and the Ecstasy. Then Chuck busts up the party, getting Jenny out of there and throwing Damien and his diplomat father out of the hotel. Being with Damien may have been exciting, he warns her, but if you go down the rabbit hole it’s going to take more than Blair and minions to rescue you. After he deposits her safely at home, Jenny turns complete idiot and texts Damien, saying she had fun and they should do it again.
Some other thoughts and a couple of quotes:
- Praise the lord, Vanessa’s hair looked good tonight. See kids, it’s always worth it to be nice to the stylists.
- I liked that the threesome flashbacks weren’t all steamy and Cinemax, but awkward representations of a perception of what happened. Not so scandalous, but it felt like so much less of a bait and switch.
- Nate, to Dan: “How stupid can you be? I know things. I’ve been to Europe. Chuck Bass is my best friend. The third person is supposed to be a stranger!”
- Blair, to Dan: “How stupid can you be? The third person is always supposed to be a stranger!”
- Olivia: “‘The Bitches of Eastwick’ is a terrible idea. It’s like ‘Heathers’ but with witches.”
What did you think? Were you loving yourself some Gaga? Do you wish she’d been in the episode more? Do you think Dan and Vanessa will get together, or is she really not interested? Do you think Jenny will really follow through on her flirtation with the dark side? And will Serena ever get a clue?