We can all take a collective deep breath and relax, because the fake pregnancy storyline on “Glee” has come to its belated, inevitable conclusion. And yet, somehow, I still feel unsatisfied. Possibly because there were only two songs. And possibly because this should’ve happened two months ago. But hey, I’ll take it!
Busted: When Will finds Terri’s pregnancy bump while looking for something in the dresser (and I’m amazed he even knew what it was), he gets mad. Scary mad. Matthew Morrison is beyond fantastic in this scene. When a hysterical Terri blames Glee Club for making Will feel like he’s better than their marriage, he argues that he was only trying to make it a marriage of equals. Accusations are shouted, but the final nail is hammered into the coffin when Terri confesses that she was going to pass Quinn’s baby off as their own. Will simply tells her he loved her. Past tense. And he leaves. All together now: FINALLY!
Say cheese: Glee Club doesn’t make it into the yearbook thanks to Sue reminding Figgins that their photo is inevitably vandalized, but Will buys a quarter-page ad to at least feature two of the kids. Realizing that a photo would only put a target on their backs, the kids uniformly refuse to participate save Rachel, who convinces Finn to join her. She prepares him for the photo with a flirty version of “Smile,” which is pretty much wholly inappropriate for the context outside of the title. Finn bails, but Rachel gets the photographer to cast the club in a local mattress commercial, creating much-needed Glee pride.
The commercial consists of Glee Club performing “Jump” in their pajamas as they dance on and around mattresses. That just seems like it’s begging for a lawsuit when some kid sees it, jumps on the bed, and breaks his arm. But I suppose lots of suspension of disbelief is in order here (rights to the song, mikes for the singing…).
When Sue sees the commercial, she points out that the show choir rules disqualify any group that accepts compensation for performance, and the Club was compensated with mattresses they can’t give back because Will had to crash on one after leaving Terri. Um, what are high school kids going to do with a bunch of mattresses anyway? Worst payment ever! Will chooses to disqualify himself from sectionals, allowing the kids to compete separately from him. I’m hoping for another wildly inappropriate “Push It”-style performance. Maybe “I Want Your Sex,” or “Afternoon Delight” (that one’s for all you “Arrested Development” fans out there).
The kids proudly pose for the yearbook page that a newly Glee-loyal Quinn blackmailed Sue into giving them. And it’s defaced by the football team as soon as it’s printed. Ah, well. And incidentally, maybe if they didn’t give each teacher, guidance counselor and coach a full page, they’d have space for all the clubs. Just a thought.
Wimma? Emill?: Ken, it seems, has coincidentally scheduled the wedding for the same day as Sectionals, leaving Emma unable to attend. Can’t say I blame him, given the situation, but that’s still pretty mean. When Will suggests to Emma that Ken might’ve done so on purpose because of Will and Emma’s “relationship,” Emma reminds him of Ken’s several good qualities, and that he isn’t vindictive. She also reminds Will that, most importantly, she’s marrying the man. Will acknowledges being over the line, which I suppose he was.
When Emma and Will discuss his relationship troubles, she says she understands Terri’s intent, even though her methods should probably be illegal. As she puts it, “You’re a lot to lose, Will.” Hmm, yeah, step one in keeping your husband is probably just not being a horrible human being. Faking a baby is at least step six.
Odds and Ends:
- After next week, we’ll be “Glee”-less until April. Soak it in while you can, folks.
- The show has used voiceovers much more often in the past few weeks. I honestly don’t like it very much, at least not at this quantity. Show, don’t tell, guys! A little bit can be really funny, but at this point they’re providing a lot of exposition, too.
- That last song totally doesn’t count, since it was only sung in the background. But I’m assuming Sectionals will blow this week out of the water, so I’m willing to be patient.
- Has anyone told Quinn about Terri being busted? Because a heads up so she can make alternate arrangements for the human being coming out of her body in a few months would probably be the polite thing to do.
- Quinn: “I want my kids to be able to look back at these books and see who I was. Make them proud. Not the bastard one I’m carrying now, of course, but the ones I’ll have when I’m married and ready.”
- Football player: “How do you spell ‘loser’? I’m going to write it on his forehead!”
- Store owner: “We here at Mattress Land believe that mattresses aren’t just for sleeping and fornicating anymore.” (Really? So…reading and watching TV? ‘Cause that’s pretty much all I’ve got. Unless you count drinking glasses of wine that don’t spill no matter how hard you jump on the bed.)
- Sue: “All I want is one day of the year where I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.”
- Sue on Quinn’s Cheerios uniform: “It’s like looking at a porn star in a nun’s habit.”
- “Smile” by Lily Allen, performed by Rachel and Finn
- “Jump” by Van Halen, performed by Glee Club
- “Smile” by Charlie Chaplin, performed by Glee Club (in the background)
Ding, dong, the fake pregnancy storyline is dead! How did you feel about the method of its demise? Did you, like Emma (and me), assume Will was talking about divorce, or is this not necessarily a divorceable offense?