On this week’s “Jersey Shore,” Jenni saves her relationship, the guys play musical trash bags and Snooki gets edited.
Ronnie & Sammi
Last week, we watched as Sammi (“Sweetheart”) retaliated against Ronnie for dancing with some strange girl. This week, we hear Ronnie’s side of the story: He saw Sammi talking to a guy first, and then he retaliated by dancing with that blond. That makes me feel better. You?
After he left the club, Jenni (“J-WOWW”) followed him home. She felt bad for him and didn’t think he should be alone. When Sammi found out that Jenni and Ronnie went home together, she assumes they’re hooking up. When she confronts them, it’s clear nothing has happened. Well, not that clear. Ronnie was lying in bed with only a towel on. Regardless, Sammi leaves it alone. What follows after this point is unclear. Ronnie goes to Sammi and they begin cursing each other out, and declaring that they’re over. Suddenly, they’re both crying. And, newsflash: Ronnie announces that Sammi is officially his girl. Awww. Romantic.
At work later, Sammi is acting aloof. She says she has relationship issues. Really, Sammi? We couldn’t tell. Ronnie is blindly in love with this girl, even though she’s acting like a child. Later, it seems that they have sex for the first time (or at least admit to it for the first time).
Musical trash bags
Meanwhile, the girls are lovin’ “The Situation.” Mike and Pauly bring two trash bags home and the guys think they’re going to score. It’s just too easy to get these girls out of their clothes and into the jacuzzi. Later, in the room, Pauly is being a total gentleman. His girl is on her period, so they can’t have sex. Pauly says, “No big deal.” What a guy! Out of the blue, his girl says she needs to go home, since her mom (ID check, please!) is going to freak out. Mike is in disbelief when he finds out and keeps asking, “Now? Both of you? Really?” Yeah, Mike. That’s the situation.
The next night Mike and Pauly meet two new trash bags and they all start walking back to the house… until they see a couple other girls in a convertible. Ditching the first girls, they end up going home with the convertible trash bags. It doesn’t go well with the new girls, since they won’t get into the jacuzzi (which I’m learning is the “guido” version of foreplay). Somehow, the two original trash bags have found their way to the MTV house. Four girls? What’s a guido to do? Kick out the classy ones and keep the trash bags, of course. In the end, Pauly ends up with “the grenade” (see “Quotable Quotes” below) and for a while he’s willing to keep her amused, so that Mike can hook up with her hotter friend. But soon, “the grenade” gets to be too much for Pauly and he flees the scene. Mike ends up with too many girls and not enough game. In the end, he loses both of them. Kaboom!
Jenni & her boyfriend
Last week, Jenni admitted to her boyfriend that she saw Pauly’s pierced penis. Jenni, please. That’s not all that happened. After hanging up on her in last week’s episode, Jenni calls her boyfriend to apologize. They don’t break up, but he says he’s never visiting the house again. He says that if he did, there would be a fistfight up in there.
After going out one night, Jenni finds out her boyfriend had spies at the club. They told him that she was all over Pauly and some other dudes all night. When she denies it, he hangs up on her. After talking to Snooki (the sage of the Jersey Shore), Jenni calls him back. She tells him that it wasn’t cheating, it was house music. Hello! Snooki then gets on the phone and confirms that yes, indeed, Jenni was not being a trash bag of her own free will, house music made her do it. He found peace in that. House can make you do dirty things.
Snooki requires some editing
Snooki serves us to a night on the town. She’s dancing like a fiend (to house music, of course) and then suddenly she starts doing back flips on the dance floor. Who knew she had all that in her? She’s also wearing a belt as a skirt, so it required MTV to blur her “snookers,” as Jenni called them, repeatedly. Thank you, MTV.
Snooki’s mom comes to visit. Her mom says the beach looks dirty. Snooki replies,”It’s the Jersey Shore.” After her mom leaves, Snooki is in tears, since this is the first time they’ve ever been away from each other this long. She decides to go out with the roomies to get her mind off missing her mom. If a distraction is what she wanted, boy, does she get one!
At the bar, some guido starts stealing the roomies’ drinks. After Snooki confronts him, the screen goes blank and thud. We’ve all seen the footage (over and over again), so we know that the guy clocks Snooki hard in the face. The guys rush the puncher and he’s soon arrested. Loser!
Next week: Did Snooki lose some teeth? Do the guys avenge her when they see the d-bag on the street? Will Ronnie’s parents like Sammi? Jenni gets into a girl-fight (So close to the Snooki punch? Really, MTV?) And, the guys go sailing for trash bags.
Quotable quotes from the shore:
“Chill Out, Freckles McGee.” – Mike (when he found out one of his trash bags wanted to leave)
“Yeah, we smooshed” – Ronnie (admitting to having sex with Sammi)
“You got to stay fresh. Fresh haircut. Fresh outfit. Fresh tan. Just fresh.” – Pauly (on the importance of first impressions)
“The grenade.” – Mike (a reference to a girl who’s blowing up a guido’s game)
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Photo credit: MTV