It’s a new year on “90210,” and those crazy West Beverly kids are back from their winter break. And apparently they’re still all mixed up.
Annie & Jasper: Annie returns from two weeks in Vegas with her booze-soaked grandmother (that feels like a recipe for disaster, but in fact it seems just the ticket to get her back to her old self) determined to get her life back and break up with Jasper. Nice try, Annie. After leaving creepy flowers and a creepy note in her room about how much he loves her, Jasper creepily catches up with Annie in the hallway at school and creepily threatens to tell the police that she hit his uncle if she breaks up with him (Did I imagine it or wasn’t it Teddy’s car who actually hit the guy, and Annie doesn’t know it yet?). Thus blackmailed, a creeped-out Annie holds hands with Jasper in the hallway and can feel the waves of horror coming from Naomi and Silver. It’s so shocking that it prompts Naomi to do something unselfish and talk to Dixon about it after Annie shuts her out.
When Annie shuts Dixon out too, he tells Navid that he’s ready to go along with his harebrained scheme to plant cocaine in Jasper’s locker and drop the dime on him. Oh Navid, do you not know that you’re not smooth enough to pull something like this off? Apparently not, because after Dixon goes through all the trouble to steal the list of students’ locker combinations from his father’s office, you’re the one who gets busted in the random locker searches. Let that be a lesson to you: high school drug dealers are sometimes slimy enough not to get caught.
Naomi and Liam: Naomi and Liam have turned into that disgustingly cute couple who texts all the time — and it’s turning Silver’s stomach in the limo and she and an insanely tanned Naomi return from St. Bart’s. But apparently it’s one of those situations where too much anticipation ruins a good thing. When they finally have their date — after Naomi gives Ivy a Fendi baguette to say thanks for texting from the winter dance (oh boy) — it’s a complete dud. Their nerves have gotten the best of them. Naomi ends up lamenting to Adriana, whom she’s momentarily forgotten to ostracize, that maybe they waited too long and the chemistry’s gone. To make things worse, I’m pretty sure that dialogue was lifted straight from a “Sex and the City” episode. Adrianna assures her that there’s a way to figure out if they still have chemistry.
Which Naomi interprets as “show up to the party at the beach club wearing only a trenchcoat.” Which, incidentally, I’m pretty sure was also stolen from “Sex and the City” — or at least the Valentine’s Day episode of “Modern Family.” She goes to find Liam working on his boat, strips off, and they get down. Well, chemistry question answered.
Adrianna and Gia’s Big Girl Kiss: Adrianna runs into Gia (Rumer Willis) at an AA meeting, but she declines Gia’s offer of bowling with the group after the meeting. Poor Dri’s a little in denial about her friends understanding what she’s going through, which completely comes back to bite her at the beach club party. She mistakenly takes a sip of a rum and Coke (thinking it was just Coke) and freaks out, and ends up calling Gia for help. Gia’s a great friend and talks Dri down from the ledge, and then has her own giant moment of teen dread when she sees her ex-girlfriend with a new chick. Adrianna does the classic friend rescue, leaning in and planting a big one on a surprised Gia, who’s alternately grateful and taken aback. It’s on!
Silver and Dixon: They’ve both been obsessing about the kiss at the winter dance, and it turns out that he wants to get back together, and she wants to get together with Teddy. So Dixon deals with his hurt feelings by lying to Teddy during kickboxing in gym class and saying that he and Silver are talking about getting back together. Naturally, Teddy turns his hurt feelings into male bravado when Silver approaches him and talks about his grave difficulty choosing which girl to take to the party at the beach club. He proceeds to rub it in Silver’s face when they’re there, and after seeing her upset Dixon finally mans up and admits that he’s crazy about her and wants to get back together.
Debbie and Harry and Kelly: Debbie’s really bothered that Kelly has a crush on Harry, and hearing that Harry’s been avoiding Kelly since he found out just isn’t enough. She insists on going to the booster event where they’ll see Kelly, and then insists on taking her aside to find out what’s up. It’s like confrontation central in here. Debbie and Kelly talk it out; Kelly explains that after everything with her mom, she just needed a friend, and when she realized she was developing feelings for Harry she steered clear. Debbie ends up trying to fix Kelly up with her yoga instructor, who’s obviously totally crushing on Debbie. Not that she minds.
What did you think? Was this an appropriately arousing — ah, rousing — return? Is there trouble ahead for Naomi and Liam? Will Navid be able to straighten things out and actually get Jasper busted? Will Annie ‘fess up already? And how many episodes do you think it’ll take for Adrianna and Gia to heat things up?
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