One of the “House” team members proposes marriage, but it’s the patient of the week who’ll stay on your mind. Maybe it was just the shock value, but it’s been a while since I’ve been so affected by the case du jour. Then again, it’s also been a while since the case didn’t take a back seat to hospital drama and shenanigans.
Patient of the Week: We begin on a high school field trip to the planetarium. Or rather, plan-eh-aaarium — but with somewhat less head explode-y results. After sneaking sips of smuggled vodka like any good honor student, Abby blacks out and vomits pink foam. Let that be a lesson to you, kids!
Abby has something mysterious messing up her heart, but on the upside, she also has a really sweet boyfriend. One open-heart surgery, one awkward semen application (worst allergy ever?), one full-body scan, and one crazy black hole hallucination later, things finally get interesting. As her boyfriend attempts to propose to her, Abby hallucinates her childhood self (who as it happens is a pretty creepy little girl) whispering about a secret they need to tell before it kills them.
House, convinced the content of the hallucination is significant, decides to use an experimental cognitive pattern recognition program when Abby can’t remember what her spooky little girl self was saying. They map her conscious thoughts, and then use the map to project her unconscious thoughts. The procedure looks rather “Clockwork Orange,” but the results are pretty insane: We see fuzzy but recognizable pictures of the sky, her deceased dad, and her.
Even more insane: It’s actually not an image of her deceased dad, but rather her boyfriend’s very much alive dad. Who exposed her to a sexually transmitted parasite that gave her an allergic reaction. Ugggghhhhh! Seems she’d broken up with his son and was crying, and he was drunk, and I want to jump into the TV and strangle him. She’s all better with a little brain surgery, but the BF’s relationship with his dad won’t be such an easy fix. It looks like our young lovebirds will make it through after Taub reassures the BF that “it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.” Buuut I’m guessing he’s not quite so ready to go down on one knee again anytime soon.
It’s just furniture: Wilson’s condo is empty, save the orange couch. It’s pretty sad, and even sadder when House points out the obvious: Wilson is afraid to furnish a home without a female partner. To prove House wrong, Wilson calls in the pros at “Economy Furniture Supply.” Ooooohhh, Wilson. It looks like a corporate apartment and is even sadder than the empty condo, if such a thing is possible.
After House insists that he at least pick out one item for himself, Wilson gives the furniture store a shot, bailing when he can’t tell indoor furniture from out. I can’t believe he didn’t go with the giant wicker donut! It just screamed Wilson to me. Apparently aiming at being tasteless in more ways than one, Wilson goes to Cuddy for advice on how to decorate the condo he stole from her. She rightfully calls him pathetic, but gives him a decorator’s name.
Wilson does pick out one thing by himself, however: an organ! That’s beyond awesome. Wilson to House: “You’re gonna have to buy your own cape.” Greatest roommate ever? House: “I like what this says about you, Wilson.” Me too, House. Me too. I also like House’s jazzy, then church-y rendition of the “Phantom of the Opera” theme. I’m hoping this organ will make a repeat appearance.
Couples’ yoga?: Taub is fighting with his wife again, this time over the fact that they never do anything together. And I gotta say, couples’ yoga doesn’t sound too appealing to me, either. Of course, you’re talking to the girl who in college snuck out of yoga every week after the sign-in sheet went around so that I could go to the campus diner and get a free plate of curly fries during my friend’s shift rather than do my mandatory phys-ed class. So it’s possible I’m not the best judge. Aaaanyway, Foreman’s theory is that Taub only wants his wife to be happy so long as it makes him happy, too. That’s a pretty harsh assessment of Taub’s character coming from a man who fired his girlfriend to make his work life easier.
In an attempt to stay connected to her, Taub texts his wife from work. Or rather, he sexts his wife. Cut to House fending off Taub’s feeble attempts to retrieve his phone. Ha! Taking a cue from House, Taub invites his wife over for some afternoon car nookie. She’s still hesitant to trust him, though. Okay, this is coming from someone who’s never been married, but if your spouse cheats on you and you don’t trust him or her not to do it again, shouldn’t you either go to counseling or cut your losses and separate? How can you have a successful marriage without trust? Because I don’t think couples’ yoga fixes that sort of thing.
What does fix that sort of thing, it seems, is a second marriage proposal and a promise to try to do better this time. Wow, two proposals in one episode? Or as House later puts it, “Monkey see, monkey do.” And then he watches a hot blonde nurse get overly friendly with Taub in the hall. Seriously? Taub? Has she never met House or Chase? (Or Wilson? Or Foreman?)
- House: “Buy some furniture, or admit you’re empty inside.”
- House: “Her subconscious was telling her something. We need to eavesdrop.” Taub: “She was screaming she was being sucked into a black hole, so we should look for a tumor in her anus?”
- House: “It’s not magic, it’s experimental. Just like washing your hands after pooping once was.”
- House to Foreman: “Anyone ever tell you you’re a buzzkill?” Chase, Taub and Thirteen: “YES.”
Are you rooting for Taub’s marriage? Did you see the twist coming with the patient of the week?