On Monday’s premiere of “Dancing With the Stars,” there were some great performances and some not-so-great ones, but there was no one who was just incredibly, epically awful. Of course, that’s no impediment to becoming beloved on the show.
So here’s my rundown of the top of the bottom on the dance floor …
Mayne: The ESPN anchorman went out in the first week of season 2 (and
deservedly so, as he had all the fluid grace of an Old Navy mannequin), but
parlayed his brief appearance on the show into many guest spots, including as
host of the “DanceCenter” spoof segments, featured on results shows (click here and here for a look).
Carlson: The political broadcaster and founder of the new “Daily Caller” website “danced” while sitting in a chair and was
unsurprisingly eliminated in the first episode of season 3. But, like Mayne, he
wasn’t afraid to make fun of himself and returned the next season to
participate in a skit in which he entered “dance rehab.”
Newton: Mr. Las Vegas had to say not “danke schoen” but “auf Wiedersehen” in
the third round of season 5, proving that being a star on the Strip doesn’t
mean you can shine on the dance floor.
Jillette: The illusionist, skeptic and vocal half of
first in season 6, but was very charming about it – and he wasn’t alone that
Guttenberg: The actor and “Police Squad” star was almost as bad as Jillette in
season 6, but equally good-humored and earnest in his effort, which ended in
the third round. And the hits just kept on coming that year.
The comedian, TV host and radio personality didn’t look as much like the
Frankenstein monster as Jillette in season 6, and he did have very snappy
lines. He went out fourth.
Leachman: The octogenarian actress brought complete abandon and an edge of
insanity to the dance floor and stayed around until round 6 of season 7, purely
on the strength of her wacky personality.
Steve Wozniak (above, with Karina Smirnoff):
The Apple co-founder brought zero ability but maximum charisma to his four
rounds of season 8, and his performance of “the worm” left a permanent mark on
“DWTS” history (and possibly on the psyches of viewers).
The “Hammer” of the House of Representatives persevered despite stress
fractures in both feet before eventually withdrawing. But he recovered enough to
return in the season 9 finale to perform the