We’ve been waiting for this day! Finally, Rod Blagojevich has stepped up to be Project Manager of his “Celebrity Apprentice” team, Rock Solid. Look, as smarmy and creepy as Blago is, he’s also TV gold as he desperately tries to prove his innocence to every last random person he encounters on the street.
Blago and the women’s project manager, Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks, are whisked off to Orlando in a private jet. “You’ve got a little chip on your shoulder because you’re beautiful and you don’t want people to think you’re dumb,” Blago tells her.
The Task: The project they’re assigned to is to create a 3-D interactive display to generate buzz among Harry Potter fans for Universal’s new theme park attraction, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. (You know those Harry Potter fans… they’re always forgetting about Harry Potter.)
Last week we saw Blago practically take ten minutes to type his own first name. This week, making a phone call from Orlando back to NYC took him a couple of tries. Look, he was just the governor of one of the largest states in America. We can’t expect him to know how to make a phone call!
Meanwhile, Selita was busy texting the Tenacity team non-stop, emailing them diagrams, and doing research. Wonder who’s going to win this one?
When Blago finally gets through to the men, he assigns Bret creative control. “An interactive 3-D display is like a nativity scene at a church,” Bret says. Because Harry Potter is just like Jesus, obviously!
In the Tenacity design studio, Sharon tells Holly and Summer that they need Cyndi around because without Cyndi, “Celebrity Apprentice” would be the most boring show ever. Amen! “You two are like watching ice melt.”
Holly, of course, takes offense. “I didn’t come here to be funny!”
“You couldn’t be,” Sharon interrupts.
Tenacity: The Tenacity interactive display started off with Selita talking to the fans about the attraction… in the most hilarious fake British accent ever. “Welcome to a world unlike no other,” she says. Meanwhile, Sharon Osbourne, who has a real British accent and much better grammar, stands next to her silently.
It’s possible that Sharon was conserving her voice because she’d been “coughing up sawdust loogies all day” after working in the carpentry studio. Gross!
The fans are ushered through the mouth of a dragon, into a room where they were accosted by Cyndi screaming “Don’t look at me! Don’t look at me! Muggles and wizards, muggles and wizards!” for no discernible reason. Next, the kids are given a new wand at Ollivander’s wand shop, showered with merchandise and candy, and sent on their way to the men’s display.
Rock Solid: “I presented myself as the average, everyday, American rock star dad,” Bret says of his introduction to the men’s display. He also refers to the fans as “Harry Potter nerdlingers.”
There’s no quicker way to make a Harry Potter nerdlinger mad than to make inaccurate Harry Potter references. As soon as we heard that the men’s Sorting Hat was sorting the fans into “classes,” not “houses,” while in a school called “Hogwarths,” we thought we might have a mutiny on our hands.
“I’m going to let you use my wand just once,” Curtis, as a professor, tells the fans. “Can you take control of my wand?”
No, you’re not the only one whose brain just went to a very bad place. “All of us are going to prison after this creepy castle ride,” Bret sighs.
Board Room: The men lose because the nerdlingers aren’t pleased by the inaccuracies. “It’s Slithering, it’s Hufflepuff, it’s Ravencloth,” Blago told Trump.
For a moment, we weren’t sure if Trump would fire Blago, because he practically composed a love letter to the guy in the board room. Yes, yes, we all know that Blago is sooo brave to get up in front of a country that hates him and try to plead his case.
In the end, Trump had no choice but to fire Blago, because Blago didn’t invite Bret back into the board room. We’re going to miss that sneaky little gremlin!
Trumpism of the Night: “I think Rod doesn’t want to get angry at you [Michael Johnson] because frankly there may be some black jurors and they may be angry that he got angry at you. He doesn’t want to get angry at Goldberg – because, I assume you’re Jewish, are you Jewish, Goldberg? Because otherwise you’d be the only guy with the name Goldberg that isn’t. And he doesn’t want to get angry at the… I don’t know what to say about Curtis. He’s like central casting WASP.”
Who is your favorite to win the competition? Let us know in the comments!