In the “Desperate Housewives” finale, Gaby is a hero, Lynette has labor pains, Bree makes a life-altering decision and Susan says goodbye to Wisteria.
Look who’s talking
At Fairview Memorial Hospital, we meet Theresa, a dying woman who used to be a baby nurse there. She helped all of the housewives at one point or another with the care of their newborns. And she has a secret she’s ready to confess to a priest and wants released publicly. After her death, the priest goes to hospital chief’s office and tells him that Theresa has confessed something and may want to sit down before he tells him what it is. It turns out that a baby was switched on Wisteria, but we don’t know whose it is.
Somewhere else in the hospital, Gaby follows the instructions from Angie’s note and arrives to get Nick. After failing to get past the first nurse who wouldn’t let her get by, because she wasn’t immediate family, Gaby had a new idea. She did an over-the-top impression of Angie with a second nurse and bullied her way into Nick’s room.
Once there, Gaby wakes him up with a refreshing cup of water to his face. She’s not known for her subtlety, folks. Once he’s awake, she shows Nick the note. He begins to get up from his bed, but it’s clear he’s not in good shape. Gaby wonders why they can’t just call the police, but Nick says that Patrick will kill Angie and Danny if they do. He then asks Gaby if she’ll drive him to the house and she agrees.
Back at the Bolen house, Angie hands over the bomb to Patrick. He doesn’t trust her, so he tells her that she’s going to Oregon with him. If the bomb doesn’t work, he’ll kill her and then return to kill Danny. So, he gives her another chance to “look over” the bomb before they leave. It’s obvious she made a dud, so she agrees to take another look at it.
Then, Patrick reveals his real plan. Instead of taking the bomb with him to Oregon, he placed it in one of the closets. He’s going to kill Danny with the bomb Angie created. That’s pretty twisted.
Nick and Gaby finally arrive at the house (what took them so long?). Nick wonders why Gaby is helping them. She tells Nick that she knows what it’s like keeping secrets and she promised Angie on the plane that she would do anything to help her. Then, Nick goes unconscious. So, Gaby is left to figure out how to save them alone. She enlists Susan to help as a diversion, although Susan doesn’t know that’s what’s happening. While Susan has Patrick and Angie at the door, Gaby climes up a trellis and into the room to untie Danny. Meanwhile, Susan has left and Patrick forces Angie into a car. For sheer theatrics, he drives around the cul de sac and parks with Angie’s house in view. He then pushes the button and tells her she has 30 seconds to save their son. She jumps out and starts running, but then she turns around and says, “The bomb is in the detonator.” Boom! Patrick meets his maker.
At the bus station later, Angie has two very hard goodbyes. First she thanks Gaby for helping them and for caring about them. Then, she and Nick hand a bus ticket to Danny for New York. They’re not going with him. This was really sad. I especially loved the part where Danny told Nick that if he grew up to be a good man, it’s because he was his father.
Lynette’s labor pains
We join Lynette where we left her: Trapped at Eddie’s house who she just realized killed his own mother. He’s freaking out, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to hurt her. She offers to testify on his behalf regarding what an awful monster his mother was, but then he admits that he has killed other girls. He does offer to drive her to the middle of nowhere, and then drop her off. That way, he can be long gone by the time she gets help. But, Lynette isn’t going anywhere. Her water just broke! Dang.
Over at Lynette’s house, Porter wakes his father up after they apparently had a few too much to drink the night before. As he’s worrying about whether they woke up Lynette, Preston has realized that Lynette didn’t sleep there that night.
Back at Eddie’s place, he agrees to take her to the hospital after she agrees not to turn him in. But, outside, Tom has found Lynette’s car parked at Eddie’s house and he knocks. Eddie grabs her and covers her mouth until Tom leaves. He’s ready to take her to the hospital, but she tells him it’s too late. The baby is coming out and he needs to help her deliver it. When the baby is almost out, Eddie realizes that the umbilical cord is wrapped around its neck. Lynette tells him that he needs to remove it, but he’s not sure he can do it. She tells him that he has the chance to save a life and then he does it. Lynette’s baby is born and it looks like a 2- month-old child. That’s one healthy newborn!
Then, Eddie prepares to leave when Lynette tells him that she’s going to be his mom now. She tells him that he can’t keep running and he should turn himself in. He doesn’t want to, but she tells him that he’ll always be in jail regardless. Then, he walks out, but a moment later he returns and asks her to call the police for him. She then lets him hold the baby while she dials. Another Felicity Huffman tour de force, everyone!
Bree pays up
Orson and Andrew find Bree cooking and apparently unhappy. She tells them that Sam knows about Andrew hitting Carlos’ mother with his car. He’s threatening to go to the police unless she gives him her business. She says that’s what she’s going to do. But, Andrew doesn’t want her to. He says he’ll confess and Orson thinks Bree should let him. Bree has her mind set, though, and she won’t allow Andrew to turn himself in. She then tells Orson it’s really none of his business. Ouch, Bree.
Bree goes forward on her plans to hand her business over to Sam. I loved the way she handled this whole situation – so matter of fact. Sam then told her that he didn’t want it to go down this way and that he didn’t want her to be mad at him. She told him that she’s not mad at him, she feels sorry for him. He came to be part of her family and now he’s walking away with her client list, a few mixing bowls and not much else. Plus she tells him that she doesn’t think anyone will ever care about him. Best. Scene. Ever.
Then Bree gets home and tells Orson that the deed has been done. But, Orson has a bomb to drop. He thinks Bree has been a hypocrite. She had made him confess when he hit Mike and he went to jail for it. Yet, she didn’t make Andrew confess. Instead, she traded her company for his freedom. I have to agree with Orson here. It was a double standard. Orson decides to divorce Bree.
When Andrew walks in later, he finds Bree alone with Orson’s stuff gone. She tells him that Orson left, because she’s a hypocrite. And then she asks Andrew for his permission to tell Gaby the truth about Carlos’ mother.
Susan says goodbye to Wisteria
Susan and Mike are going forward on renting their house and moving from The Lane. It sounds like they’ve found a renter already, as well. They’re having a yard sale and one of the neighbors acts like a vulture and she tries to shortchange Susan on some dresser. Susan goes nuts on her. Let’s just say she threatened to shove a thigh master down the woman’s throat. Yeah, she’s not in the mood to mess around. The woman is giving up her house and living by her friends through pretty much no fault of her own. I can understand if she isn’t going to take any guff.
Later they find out that MJ accidentally left his T-Rex toy in the
“sale” pile and Susan sold it to Roy. Even though Mike disagrees, she wants to get it back for him, since she feels guilty for moving him from the only house he knows. Over at Roy’s place, they find out he gave the toy to his grandson already. Unrelentingly, Susan convinces Roy to get it back anyway. But, Roy’s grandson doesn’t want to give it up. Mike wants to forget about it, but Susan isn’t giving up. By the way, did I mention Roy’s grandson is deaf?
In the end, they didn’t take the toy from Roy’s grandson. When they get back home, Susan tells MJ that sometimes, even when you do all the right things, life will take your dinosaur. After Mike tells MJ that they’ll take him for pizza and video games later, he takes Susan aside. He just wants her to take out her frustration on him already. So, she does. She tearfully tells him that she resents him. To make things a bit better, Mike pulls off the doorframe, which Susan was used to measure both Julie and MJ’s height growing up.
Later, the ladies catch Susan as she’s about to drive off to say their “see you real soon’s,” since none of them intend to let Susan forget her friendships on The Lane. Afterward, Susan asks Mike if he’d drive very slowly as they leave Wisteria.
She doesn’t notice a car pass them on the way to their house. Lee has arrived with the new renter and he’s someone we all knew pretty well: Paul Young, the man who killed Martha Huber.
What do you think Paul has in store for The Lane?
For more of Zap2it’s “Desperate Housewives” finale coverage, check out:
‘Desperate Houswives’ finale: EP talks Gaby’s heroics, John Barrowman and who will die
‘Desperate Housewives’ finale: EP talks about Bree’s dilemma
‘Desperate Housewives’ finale sneak peek: EP on Lynette’s labor pains
‘Desperate Housewives’: EP says Dana Delany is always welcome on Wisteria
Photo credit: Danny Feld / ABC