real housewives of new york city bravo sonja bethenny kelly 'Real Housewives of New York City': Kelly short circuitsIn this episode of “The Real Housewives of New York City,” it’s time for Ramona’s “non-bachelorette” party and Kelly goes overboard. Meanwhile, LuAnn shows money can’t buy you taste or self-awareness.

They’re the buzzkills
The women are flocking together for Ramona’s “non-bachelorette” party. Ramona picked up Sonja first in her swanky escalade limo. I can’t believe they’re going for five days! Now, that’s one way to celebrate your renewal. Then talk went to Jill. Turns out she’s not going on the trip. Big surprise. Ramona theorizes that Jill didn’t want to come, because it’s wasn’t about her. I have to agree that’s probably part of it. The other part is that Jill has no desire to hang with Bethenny and Alex for five days. That would have made for good TV, though. Love when Ramona called LuAnn and Jill the “buzzkills.”

real housewives of new york city bravo luann money cant buy you class 'Real Housewives of New York City': Kelly short circuitsAll new levels of delusion
It’s that moment we’ve been waiting for, folks: LuAnn is recording her single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” Her producer, Chris Young, who comes off as d-baggy as they come, feels she’s reminiscent of Madonna or Fergie! Wow. I thought LuAnn already had a phenomenal lack of self-awareness, but she has reached all new heights (and I’m not talking high notes). I like to sing, too, but I know I can’t sing. There’s a difference.

In shipshape!
Wow. Ramona definitely outdid herself in planning a luxury cruise to the Virgin Islands. Bethenny, Alex, Sonja, and even Kelly joined her to celebrate her “non-bachelorette” party. Bethenny, who arrived right after burying her father, feels the sun and relaxation may be good for her. The rooms are gorgeous and it really seems like this can be such a wonderful holiday! Someone is going to be “Jill-lous.” Oh, and I love how Kelly pronounced she only ate organic and then Gummy Bears. Of course, Bethenny couldn’t keep herself from poking fun at her on that one. It was too random!

It’s never about what it’s about
Ramona’s planning for this trip is over-the-top, including packing about a dozen bathing suits. You just have to love that Ramona only works on one frequency – high. At lunch, Ramona brings up her fight with Jill over not telling her about Bethenny’s father passing (even though she already knew as evidenced by her text to Alex earlier that day. Drama queen). Then, Kelly jumps in and defends Jill. I’m not so sure how well she did, though. She admitted that Jill is jealous, because she didn’t get the news from Bethenny first (see Jill Zarin Facebook Blunder for an example).  

Before we knew it, Kelly lapsed into incoherent speech and gave herself a timeout, almost walking into a glass door. Poor Kelly. She’s so pretty, too. I wish her mind wasn’t so jumbled all the time. I love when Bethenny joked about turning the grapes in the fridge to wine by stomping on them and Kelly launched into protest. Um, that’s called a joke, Kelly.

Much needed laughter
Bethenny and Alex have a moment to chat while the other ladies get ready for dinner. Bethenny tells her that she’s still processing her feelings around her father’s death and she’s glad she came on the trip. This friendship with Alex is really good for Bethenny! And there’s a bright side to having Kelly around. Her lunchtime freak out gave them a healthy laugh.

real housewives of new york city bravo luann court 'Real Housewives of New York City': Kelly short circuitsLuAnn’s second brush with d-baggery
LuAnn’s date from the last episode returns. His dyed blond hair and horrible tan is even worse in the brighter light. I don’t really have much more to say about this, except I think that when they kissed, I threw up a little in my mouth. I feel bad for all the women who find themselves on the dating market after their marriage ends if these are the kind of frogs you have to kiss before you find your next Count.

Miss Seating Chart
Ramona decides to choose the seating for dinner. That’s a smart move after the eruption at lunch. And at least Bethenny and Kelly can laugh about what happened as they’re being separated like young children.

After dinner, Sonja, Kelly and Bethenny start talking about Bethenny’s relationship with her father. It’s so terribly apparent to me that the reason why Kelly is so damn happy all the time is she lives in a world where she knows everything on every topic. She has no room for differing opinions or even caring about anyone outside of herself. If she did, then she would have shut up once the thought of telling a woman that she should just accept that her father didn’t care about her entered her mind. Time and place, Kelly. Gosh.

There’s everyday buzzed Ramona. Then, there’s drunk Ramona.
Then, Ramona comes in for much needed comic relief. She’s so drunk. She went yacht-hopping and met the owner of Hooters, who invited them back to his boat. Then, Sonja starts talking about sex with women. I love when she states in her interview that somehow conversation moves to sex around her. Somehow? Every time I’ve seen that happen, you’ve brought it up, Sonja! Somehow.

Oh my gosh. Then Kelly says that she doesn’t sleep around and she doesn’t have one-night stands. Sonja tells her that she doesn’t believe her and Kelly says “if you had it like this, you wouldn’t give it away.” Wrong thing to say to Sonja, who is obsessed with her body since her marriage fell apart. She breaks into tears over the comment.

Kelly World
And then, Kelly began shooting comments all over the place. It started when Sonja told Bethenny that she appreciated that she didn’t play the victim. That just set Kelly off. Her obvious hatred of Bethenny just spewed out from all directions. She called Bethenny a cook not a chef, a media whore, a ho bag, vindictive, cruel, calculating… Well, you get the picture. I literally sat there watching with my mouth open, amazed at the level of crazy I was witnessing.

real housewives of new york city bravo bethenny ramona alex turtle time 'Real Housewives of New York City': Kelly short circuitsThe sheer irony that Bethenny felt she needed to go to the Hooters boat to be around normal people isn’t lost on me. Before she arrived, Ramona was dangerously close to stepping over the line with the Hooters owner, but she reeled herself back in. When Bethenny arrived, Ramona said that it’s obvious Kelly has harbored angry feelings against Bethenny. Pretty observant for a drunk chick.

Turtle Time!
Poor Sonja went back to the boat to babysit Loony, I mean Kelly. Meanwhile, Ramona, Alex and Bethenny went
and danced the crazies off at some club with a larger than life turtle sitting in its entranceway. An appropriately absurd end to an absurd night.

Can you explain Kelly to me, please?

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