Mother Nature can’t be that tough. After all, if a dude who grew up on the Isle of Wight can take all she has to dish out, how tough can she be? Of course, we’re talking about Bear Grylls of Man vs. Wild, airing Saturdays on Discovery Channel. He did, in fact, grow up on the Isle of Wight – which sounds like an incubator for boys who wear blush – and yet somehow he became a member of a special forces unit in the British army. He’s also an adrenaline junkie, having once hosted a dinner party at a table suspended under a hot-air balloon at 24,500 feet before saluting the queen and sky-diving back to terra firma. Now that’s a party!
Setting the scene:
Decorating a shindig set in the wild is equal parts ease and trepidation. While all you need to do is fill the house with the dangers of the outdoors, you should know that badger pee is a real pain to get out of Berber carpeting. Nevertheless, you’ll need to fill the house with live bamboo, palms, tree branches, rocks and wood chips (remember, we are trapped in the wild, and this party needs to sell that vibe). Have a small indoor water feature such as a pond or waterfall because surviving in the wild without water will make it hard on afternoon tea. You might even stock it with a few live trout. We are also going to need to create a campfire if guests are expected to survive until the valet brings their cars around. But since an open pit of flames won’t do your carpet any favors, make a fake fire pit. Party favors can include survival gear such as fishhooks, waterproof notepaper and waterproof matches.
Suggest camping attire, backpacks, camouflage pants and jackets, bush jackets, pith helmets, boonie hats, hiking boots, etc.
On the menu:
Grylls consumes things that you almost never see on a menu such as yak eyes, earthworms, tree bark, tarantulas, maggots and his own urine. Fake them by substituting hard-boiled eggs, gummy worms, beef jerky, chicken wings, rice and Mountain Dew – all labeled the aforementioned stuff. Yum!
On the hi-fi:
Born Free by Andy Williams, Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf, River Deep, Mountain High by Ike and Tina Turner, Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver and The Lion Sleeps Tonight by the Tokens.
Grylls loves to drop in on these remote places, so why not order an actual parachute, drape it over your roof and hire a college kid to dangle in the harness, pretending to be Bear while guests arrive?