With our military currently fighting on multiple fronts, we are keenly aware just how important and dangerous their work really is. But most of what we see is limited to clips on the evening news or feature films starring guys from Boston: Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Ben Affleck (OK, well, Affleck was in Pearl Harbor). So when Discovery Channel started airing Surviving the Cut on Wednesdays, we suddenly realized that making it to the elite ranks of the Navy SEALs, Rangers or Green Berets might be too much for us (and Affleck). But there might still be hope for our friends, so give them a call and let them know they’re Surviving the Cut!
Setting the scene:
Basic training is for wimps, and Surviving the Cut takes it to the next level, so we need to make this event an obstacle course from hell. You’ll want to have a Zodiak rubber boat leaning against your house, camouflage netting near the entrance, a rope wall mounted inside, scuba gear scattered around, mountain-climbing gear, an obstacle course in the backyard and an open parachute hanging from a tree. Upon arrival, guests should be given full backpacks and a pair of combat boots, and pointed toward signs for faux training areas labeled “Tactical Ambushes,” “Underwater Demolition” and “Hydrographic Reconnaissance.” Hire a few local kids to man the areas, helping guests out of the boots and heavy packs and returning them to the front for the next round of arrivals. When Surviving the Cut isn’t on the big-screen TV, have video of SEAL training indicating that guests should try to meet SEAL requirements including 42 push-ups in less than two minutes, 50 sit-ups in under two minutes, six pull-ups followed by a 1.5 mile run in under 11.5 minutes. Party favors can include copies of the book Warrior Soul: The Memoir of a Navy SEAL, personal survival kits and leftover MREs (that’s Meals Ready to Eat to you civilians).
If you aren’t in quality camo, you might be dead already. Send guests a map to the nearest Army-Navy store in their invitation.
On the menu:
Everybody gets to eat like a soldier; that means MREs in a variety of flavors from cheese tortellini to beef stew and vegetarian lasagna. Mmm, that’s good eatin’.
On the hi-fi:
Ballad of the Green Berets by Barry Sadler, American Soldier by Toby Keith; I Raq and Roll by Clint Black, In the Navy by the Village People, Soldier Boy by The Shirelles, Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, and Marines’ Hymn by the U.S. Marine Band.
Once the guys make “the cut,” they can expect to spend a lot of their time flying in the military’s largest cargo planes. So why not order one for yourself and throw the party inside? We found a 1970 Lockheed L100-30 Hercules cargo plane on PlaneCheck.com. It could hold your entire house!