We think it’s a pretty amazing feat to have the four (soon to be rumored three) leftover “Real Housewives of New Jersey” under the same roof. Let’s face it, that’s when the good (we’re morally bankrupt, we know) stuff happens. Part 1 of the reunion didn’t disappoint.
If anyone was ready to air all the dirty laundry, it was Caroline Manzo. We had to agree with her when she responded to Danielle Staub’s usual coy, revisionist memories of what went down this season with a simple, well-placed reminder.
The reunion show is when it’s time to get down. Us fans didn’t tune in for an hour plus of our time to have our questions avoided. As Caroline told Danielle, “This is the OK Corral. Buckle up!” Caroline was a straight shooter and we appreciate her breaking the hard news that Albie’s re-admittance into law school isn’t looking too good. We can tell that was hard for her to say, but she fully arrived in the spirit of what the Bravo reunion show is meant to do – it’s for catching up and clearing up.
Here’s our rundown on the major events covered (at least the ones in which gag orders haven’t been applied… yet) and how we think the housewives did in answering for their crimes:
Teresa’s bankruptcy: Priceless. When Andy Cohen announced they were going to watch a reel of Teresa’s spending habits and financial woes, she gave him the dirtiest look. Afterward, she definitely had some great ways to avoid the questions of her house being in foreclosure. It may not be now, but we know it was up for sale for a hot minute before it was pulled again. That doesn’t mean it was in foreclosure, but it does mean something… It was rather effective that Teresa brought up her family each time Andy asked her a very direct question about her financial problems. And while we may not always believe what we read in print, Teresa’s bankruptcy papers are public knowledge. Just Sayin’. And we may never be OK with Teresa blaming Joe for keeping their financial woes secret. We think he delivered some good hints, but Teresa wasn’t trying to pick them up. — Guilty
Danielle’s form of charity: Of course, Danielle continues to have a warped idea of the stunt she pulled at the baby’s cancer benefit held at the Manzo family business, The Brownstone. She should know better that anything caught on tape can come back to haunt you. And from what we can remember, from the moment Danielle found out the event was being held at The Brownstone, she saw it as her way to get back at the Manzos. From her “psychological F.U.” aimed at Chris to her motley crew security detail, she was looking to stir up trouble and she found it. — Guilty
Kids in the crossfire: We never feel that kids should ever be included in the messed up affairs of adults, especially adults on reality shows. This cast seems to make their kids battleground pawns more than any other of the “Housewives” series. When it comes to modeling, Danielle should have never said a thing about Teresa’s daughter’s chances at being a supermodel. From what we can remember, Teresa (and even Jacqueline Laurita) was nothing but complimentary of Christine’s career – even if it was just publicly. We have no idea what Teresa feels about it privately and that’s how it should stay.
Furthermore, Danielle should have never said anything about how Teresa dresses her daughters. Danielle, we’re not dumb. We know you were being malicious with those comments.
On the other hand, Caroline shouldn’t be saying anything about not seeing light in Danielle’s daughters’ eyes. Of course they’re going to hear about it and they’re going to wonder why Caroline would insist they have dead eyes. It’s crystal clear they deal with a lot of Danielle drama, but it’s also clear that they love their mother.
Danielle — Guilty; Caroline — Guilty; Teresa: The jury is still out
Danielle’s sex tape: Oh, where do we start? Danielle, my dear, we saw stills from your tape and there are definite moments where there wasn’t a hand free between you and your muscled partner, so either you had a tripod set up to hold that camera or there had to be at least a third person in the room at some point in the video’s taping. Also, your timing on when the video was made seems to shift between three years ago and last year. We won’t say a word about whether you’re making money off of it or not. You seem to have very busy attorneys and we wouldn’t think of getting mixed up with them. — Guilty
Andy Cohen Tossing: Teresa sent him flying back into his chair in that trademark crazy-eyed state she gets in when she’s enraged and tables (or hosts) get flipped. — Guilty
Those were the major cases for us. Would you rule differently? What did we miss?