On “Desperate Housewives,” Bree, distracted by Hot Handyman’s butt, backs into Juanita Solis on her bike — an unfortunate coincidence, considering Bree’s own son ran over the other Juanita Solis all those years ago — and Juanita spends the rest of the episode in the hospital. When Gaby finds out Juanita’s blood type is O, and hers and Carlos’s is A, she assumes she must have had an affair she didn’t think she had (it happens to all of us) and that Carlos isn’t the father. She spends the episode trying to hide this fact from him, until he finally tells her the truth in a heartbreaking end of the episode. Bree’s reaction is to fire Hot Handyman; I mean, it’s obviously his fault for being so Hot and Handy, right? He leaves in a huff, but after Mrs. McCluskey tells Bree that if she can’t take a risk, she’ll soon have a ton of regrets, Bree tracks him down at a pool hall and hires him back — clearly hoping he’ll use all of his best tools on this project, if you know what I’m saying.
Meanwhile, Susan is still dancing with vacuum cleaners and dusters on the internet. She’s doing a ridiculously stiff job at it, so Lainie Kazan gets to come over and awesomely show her how to loosen up and dance. The next morning, though, Mike forgets something and comes back. When he finds his wife cleaning the house in a skimpy nightie, he obviously wants to get it on right then and there. It’s a near miss, as Susan barely gets the computer closed before capturing her and Mike’s lovemaking session on camera. She’s pretty bummed about lying to her man, but the wads of cash she’s making seem to make it all okay.
And at the Scavo home comes the biggest shock of all. Tom has postpartum depression, but that’s not the shocker. Renee talks to him, and acts as his therapist, but that’s not the shocker either. Lynette flashes her boobs at Tom and he chooses to talk, but that’s not even the big twist. What we learn, ultimately — after Renee announces she’ll be moving into Edie’s old house on the lane — is that she and Tom have a secret past that Lynette doesn’t know about. And Tom wants to make sure it stays that way. Which, of course, means that it won’t.
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