That was Season One good! Everybody acting crazy! Everybody gossiping, girl! Serena and Colin — what else? — catch a cab together, which both Dan and Blair notice, but while B is seeing S, S is seeing B coming out of the bushes with Chuck, because they have been doing it all day, everywhere, in the name of hate. Even though Serena totally loves this, she still yells at Blair to control herself. But while Chuck thinks the solution to ending their hate sex is a 24-hour screwfest like in Hotel New Hampshire (minus the incest, for once), Blair retires to the bath and eats macaroons while Dorota defends against Bass attacks.
Dan tells Serena — Blair agrees — that she is so amazing and wonderful in every way that if Colin really wants her, he should quit his teaching job and go back to being a billionaire. S offers him this option, basically so they don’t have to wait a whole month to do it, and while she thinks he’s turned her down, in fact he quits that same day. Meanwhile, Chuck keeps popping up in random places with a boner and random nightwear that makes him look very tiny and shiny and purple, causing Blair to scream and be more adorable than she’s been in a long while.
Nate finds out that Juliet isn’t living in that one apartment, and suddenly he and Vanessa — who is back and just on a tear — are arranging this invasion/sting/coffee date so V can (of course) break into Juliet’s house and find the pics of Serena kissing her professor. But between the coffee date and a Come To Jesus with Colin, Juliet has decided to shut Operation Smile down, so Vanessa — getting twigs and self-righteousness everywhere — decides to take over Operation Smile on her own! Despite not knowing anything about it, or what Juliet’s agenda is, or who Juliet is! She’s just sick of being “Vanessa” and she wants Serena blood all over her!