Tonight’s cuppa: Peppermint tea (gong off caffeine early for the stress of Election Day)
As you head to the polls tomorrow — and you ARE headed to the polls, if you’re eligible to vote and still alive? (gotta throw that one in for some precincts in the nation, and you know who you are) — you’ll have a choice between two major parties and a plethora of smaller ones.
But for a lot of folks, the perfect thing would be a “None of the Above” checkbox.
How to fix a broken political system? Easy — I went to three of TV’s top handymen, figuring that any guy who build out a closet, put in a new sink or pour a foundation just might have some suggestions on how to put together a new political party.
(Photo credits: Kevin & Matt, me! Steve, courtesy of Steve.)
So, here goes …
Kevin O’Connor (PBS’ “This Old House,” “Ask This Old House”): “Republicans, Democrats, Tea Party and then the Toolbelt Party. ‘Ingenuity, Competence, Thriftiness,’ those are the planks. You get paid for showing up; you get get paid for what you do; you don’t get paid until the job is done.”
Matt Iseman (Style’s “Clean House,” Versus’ “Sports Soup”): “As someone who majored in American History with a focus on political theory, i truly believe that our divided nation can only be unified by one party — The Party Party.
“Our platform is that liberal and conservative can truly come together over an ice-cold keg of beer. The most contentious issues could be resolved once and for all over an epic game of beer pong. Who needs health care or Social Security when the beer’s flowing?
“In my defense, I first formulated the idea for the Party Party the night after graduation, so some of the details are a bit hazy.”
Steve Watson (HGTV’s “Don’t Sweat It,” formerly of Discovery
Channel’s “Monster House”): “The DONE! Party. I don’t care how you do
it, just quit bitchin’ and get the job done.”
So as you get ready to cast your ballot tomorrow, remember …
Competence is sexy. No, really, it is. And when your roads are beautifully paved; your state, city or country’s budget is balanced without raising taxes; there’s a short DMV line; and you can get your license renewed, drive to the restaurant and have money left in your pocket to romance your beloved, you’ll agree with me.
You’re the boss. And, as the boss, hire wisely, and fire when necessary.
Voting earns you the right to kvetch later on. If you’re eligible to vote, but don’t, and you still insist on complaining about the state of things, then you’re a moron. Pull the lever, ink the dot or do whatever it is you do, and your Creator-endowed right to yell at your television or fire off dissenting missives to your elected representatives is both morally and Constitutionally protected.
Vote on, America!