Well, another year has bit the dust. But as is so often the case, we all debate just how to usher out one year and welcome another. This year might we recommend the woman who brought us both Barry Manilow and Otto Titsling – Bette Midler and her The Showgirl Must Go On special Friday, Dec. 31, on HBO. Nothing says “Hiya, New Year” like a 65-year-old woman taking us back through the golden year of gay bathhouses with her show from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. So if you love jokes about cocaine and menopause, call your friends and neighbors, we’re throwing a Showgirl Must Go On New Year’s Eve party!
Setting the scene:
This is a tribute to Lady McBette and all of the wonderful things she is known for, but it is also a farewell to a year that gave us the Gulf oil spill and a Republican House. So get your hands on some glowing palm trees, motorized wheelchairs, posters of the golden years – Down and Out in Beverly Hills, Ruthless People, Big Business, Beaches – glittery mermaids and balloons in brassieres. You’ll also want Midler’s Otto Titsling cued up on the TV. Add spotlights and disco balls. Then have tributes to Republicans and British Petroleum for 2010 and have balloons prepared to drop when the clock strikes 12. Since the Mayans predict that the world with end in 2012, we suggest you make the most of it. Invitations can be on copies of CD jackets from Midler’s past, while party favors should definitely include her best DVDs – Hocus Pocus, The First Wives Club, Outrageous Fortune.
There are so many choices here: Mary Rose Foster, Sandy Brozinsky, Brenda Cushman. If those aren’t your style, consider anything that would get you into Studio 54.
On the menu:
Nothing welcomes the New Year like kimchi and halibut. You’ll also want beverages, so consider the Midler recipe for moderation “Two drinks, I’m under the table. Three drinks I’m under the host!”
On the hi-fi:
We Are the World, The Rose, Do You Want to Dance? Wind Beneath My Wings, From a Distance, On a Slow Boat to China all by the Divine Miss M; as for 2010, we suggest anything from Justin Bieber and Antoine Dodson.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so why not call up Donna Maxon, a renowned Bette Midler impersonator, and have her rock your New Year’s Eve? She’ll blow the wind beneath your wings.