Oh, good Lord, you guys. I don’t even know what to say. Don’t tell Eugene Delgaudio, but the kids throw an alcohol party. And it’s like a flashback to every high school party I ever attended — a bunch of drunk, sloppy kids over-emoting and making out. I’ll be having nightmares about it all week. Anyway, this party launches almost all of the week’s plotlines. First, Rachel ends up making out with Blaine during a game of spin the bottle, and she develops a massive crush on him. To the point where she asks him on a date. And he decides that maybe he’s not gay, so he agrees to go out with her. All of this sends Kurt into a tizzy of rage and jealousy. But it all turns out for the best when Rachel and Blaine kiss while sober and he realizes that he is totally, 100% gay. And it even works out for Rachel, since she now has a tragic relationship story to inspire her song-writing efforts. I guess being pelted with eggs by her boyfriend and his pals wasn’t tragic enough.
On another front, Will is tasked by Figgins to find an alcohol-awareness song for the Glee Club to sing at the annual Alcohol Awareness Assembly. He gets frustrated that the kids seem completely unconcerned by the dangers of drinking. Coach Beiste convinces Will that the way to get over that frustration is to join her at a honky-tonk roadhouse, where the two of them get completely sloshed. He ends the night grading while under the influence and then drunk dials Emma to leave an alcohol-fueled message of desperation for her. Except that he actually dials Sue, and she plays the message over the school PA system as part of her ongoing effort to convince Will that he’s an alcoholic.
Finally, the kids are so hung-over after the party that they decide the only cure is the hair of the dog. But that dog keeps biting them, as they stay pretty much drunk for much of the episode. It all culminates at the big assembly, where they cap off their alcohol-awareness anthem by drunkenly vomiting on each other. Demonstrating that alcohol hasn’t killed all of their brain cells, they think that this display will lead to their suspension, but Figgins decides it was all an elaborate ploy to put the fear of booze into the entire student population. Since it worked (as the sight of massive quantities of purple vomit would), they] kids get away with their drunken shenanigans and come out of it with coupons for half-off frozen yogurt. And a newfound commitment to sobriety, destined to last at least until Nationals.