For the first time since the horrific 2008 murders of her mother, brother and young nephew, Jennifer Hudson addresses her emotional scars with Oprah on Thurs. (Feb. 10).
Understandably, Hudson says that after two years she hasn’t yet healed.
“It’s such a shocking thing and it’s a lot to take in,” she explains. “It’s like, ‘Okay, is this real? Did this really happen? It’s hard to put it in sync with reality.”
As for what’s helped her through the heartbreak, she credits God, her baby boy and the memory of her family.
“My mother would be saying to me, ‘Stop crying, why are you always crying?’ or my brother telling me ‘Jenny knock it off you gotta keep going,'” she tearfully remembers. “The only thing I can do to honor them is to make them proud.”
She continues to recall the joy of sharing her rise to fame with her mother.
“My mother didn’t like the spotlight or the attention so she’s the opposite,” Hudson reminisces. “All she would say is, ‘As long as you’re happy as long as you’re doing what you love to do, you know momma’s happy and she’ll love you no matter what and be proud of you.’
“I’m trying to do everything to say, ‘Would my mother like this… How do I know that she’s happy and she’s smiling down at me from heaven?'” she continues.
A new mother herself, Hudson acknowledges drawing on her own mother’s memory as a parent, but says that she doesn’t know if she’ll be the same.
“I do my best, I don’t think I could ever come close to be the kind of mother that my mother was to me,” she says. “I try to use that as an example and be there for him the way she was there for me.”