We’ve never seen an episode of “America’s Next Top Model” with so many sulky faces. Wow, girls, you can be sitting at home on your couch watching the show like us or you can be walking in a hamster ball, having bees crawl all over your face, placing yourself on fire, and rolling in mud. Um, OK, you can sulk.
On this episode, Tyra Banks tried to teach the girls about fame and how to deal with it. She also had the girls figure out what model archetype they are (but we’re not sure how that fit into the lesson).
She surprised the girls in their house with boards filled with pictures, diagrams, and lists. She had them do important exercises like practicing their autographs. We’re sure glad Tyra didn’t take that time to teach them impractical things like, say, how to model. Sulky girl No. 1 was Molly, who still had a forest creature weaved into her head. Tyra keeps promising to take it out, but in the meantime she tells Molly to suck it up.
The first challenge had them meeting up with Miss J. and spending the day with fans. Sulky model No. 2 was Monique who somewhere between Tyra’s lecture on how to handle fame and the challenge realized she couldn’t be bothered by all these people. She did show good judgment when a fan, who we’re sure has women’s body parts inside his basement fridge, asked her to kiss him. Instead, she passed him over to Alexandria like Ina Garten to a make-a-wish kid to get his kiss. While annoyed by the suggestion, Alexandria gave him a kiss on the cheek. Later, she ratted Monique out for sending him over in the first place, but that backfired on Alexandria when J. lectured her about giving him the kiss anyway. Wah, wah.
Kascia won the challenge for being her nice, bubbly self while still throwing model vibe (which seems like an oxy-moron to us) and she picked Jaclyn and Brittani to come out for a dinner with J. The other girls had to stay behind and clean up after the heathens they call fans. And the slight joy from sending stalker boy to Alexandria faded away from Monique, who then complained about how much her life sucked.
In the photo challenge, the girls were split between the blonds and brunettes. They were then covered in mud and had to pose in groups. The brunettes seemed to take on a wilder look while the blonds looked like they could be hanging on some frat boy’s wall.
During the shoot, Mr. Jay got angry at Alexandra for trying to direct one of the other girls and she turned into, yep, Sulky Model No. 3. To Alexandria, he only thought she was directing another model, but really she was just being helpful… again.
Sonia Dara, the first model of South Asian descent to be featured in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, was this week’s guest judge. That’s all fine and dandy, but how’s her autograph?
The winner was Brittani who the judges thought ruled the other girls in the group picture. And while collectively the brunettes had the judges’ fave photo, two of them ended up in the bottom two: Mikaela, who can’t hold on “the handlebars of fierceness,” and Monique, who has been consistently in the middle of the pack for the entire competition.
So, who goes? Hello, this isn’t “America’s Next Average Model”! Sayonara, Monique. Don’t let the door hit you on your Tyra-like behind on the way out.
Did the judges send the wrong girl home? Who are you faves right now?