Close your eyes. Imagine the person you have a crush on. Now imagine that person visiting your parents to tell them that you need to be lectured on the ins and outs of sex. Are you dying inside yet?
On Tuesday’s “Glee,” entitled “Sexy,” the McKinley High Students got a lesson in sex ed from Gwyneth Paltrow. (Every straight guy’s dream?) But Blaine (Darren Criss) and Kurt (Chris Colfer) don’t have a sex ed program at Dalton Academy, so Blaine takes Kurt’s sex ed into his own hands.
And not in a sexy way, much to our chagrin.
When Kurt admits that he can’t be sexy because he knows nothing about sex, Blaine boggles.
“I’ve tried watching those movies,” Kurt admits, “but I just get horribly depressed because I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers and what would their mothers think and why would you get that tattoo there.”
Blaine goes to talk to Burt (Mike O’Malley), Kurt’s father, at his place of employment. He explains to Burt that Kurt doesn’t know the first thing about the birds and the bees, and as Kurt’s dad, Burt has a responsibility to give him that ever-awkward sex talk. “I apologize if I’m overstepping,” Blaine says.
“You are,” Burt assures him.
Seriously. We’re grateful that Blaine made the move, only because when Burt and Kurt did sit down, it gave us one of those classic Hummell family moments that we’ve come to love so much.
The parent/child sex talk is a staple of teen TV. Who can forget Dawson’s dad making him practice kissing on a model of Joey Potter’s head? And Sandy Cohen telling Seth, “You were lucky to be able to hang in there after all that foreplay!” This may, however, be the first time that the sex talk has been so carefully tailored to the gay teenager’s experience.
“With two guys, you’ve got two people that think sex is just sex,” Burt says. “”It means something. It’s doing something to your heart to your self esteem even though it feels like you’re just having fun… Use it as away to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter, Kurt.”
Best dad ever? Yes.
Is Blaine a little weird and meddlesome? Yes.